Phoenix
by Trayriffic
Summary: A girl named Alice wakes up to a life that she doesn't know, with no recollection of her past. What secrets lie in her dark history and will she ever feel less than vacant about her new life? No vampires, just dark humans...
1. Chapter 1

Every good story has a definite beginning, middle and end, but Alice's did not. How could anyone write the story of Alice when she had no beginning to speak of? It was not hard to see that the chance of her story being written by anyone but herself was unlikely. Nevertheless, she pondered the idea that an author might persuade a reader to sympathize with the misfortunes that had befallen upon her. The idea amused her.

It was this amusement which brought a smile to her face as she watched a woman spill boiling hot soup all over her bare arm. When the woman looked up Alice was lost in thought with a giggle about to spill from her lips.

Whatever events had led to this woman's unfortunate second degree burns were irrelevant. All she knew was that Alice was a worker in the grocery store who had apparently gained joy from her pain.

"What the hell are you looking at??!!! Is this funny to you?? Is this funny to you??!!!" shrieked the woman, as she charged at Alice. Her squatty legs were moving as fast as she could as she leaned all of about 250 pounds into her tackle.

Before Alice even fully awoke from her daydream she had been shoved repeatedly in the chest area. It seemed to be as high as the stout woman could reach. Alice could see a crazed look in the woman's eyes and for a brief moment she wondered if the woman was possessed by some sort of demon.

"Calm down ma'am, just calm down..." Alice's attempts to be heard were futile.

She felt her body finally give to the repeated pushes and she tumbled to the floor at which point the woman started kicking at her ribs. It was a miracle that her slender frame could handle the abuse considering how small she was, but she really didn't mind the pain. It seemed... familiar. She finally closed her eyes and just waited for it to be over.

"Irena, we need to go honey, we need to go! They callin' the cops! You hear me Irena?" An unfamiliar deep male voice was apparently trying to convince the stout Irena to make a run for it.

Sure enough, the pummeling ceased. It was replaced by a dull ache where her head had hit the floor and the familiar feeling of bruising all over her body. There was also this feeling of pure violation, knowledge that someone had once again entered her personal space only for the purpose of abuse.

"Are you freaking kidding me? Alice, are you ok? Please tell me you're ok, I'm already short a cashier today!!" squeaked Jessica, the ever compassionate store manager. "If you're not ok I'm not sure who'll cover for you!"

"I'm fine" said Alice, as Jessica helped her up off the floor. "Can I just take my lunch at least? I need to pull myself together."

Jessica nodded her reply as Alice walked slowly back towards the ladies room. On the way she noticed that there were customers gawking at her. She shook her head in disgust that not one of these customers had offered to help and then she stopped shaking her head because it just made the pain more intense.

In the bathroom mirror she noticed that she was not only shaking but there were tears streaming down her face. When had that happened? She did feel herself crying. In fact she hadn't felt herself cry in years. Huh. Surprisingly the tears made her topaz eyes look brighter than usual. Almost... pretty. She ran her fingers through her spiky black hair and felt the back of her head. It was bleeding a little but didn't seem too bad.

She washed her face but was still shaking, almost to the point of shivering. She went to her locker and grabbed the sweater that she kept there for the days when chilly wet Washington state air was too much for her. She felt instantly better. The sweater smelled sweet. Like lavender mixed with vanilla.

Alice didn't have much of a memory of her previous life, but she remembered that scent. Her first encounter with it since her memory loss or her "rebirth" as she liked to call it was at a Laundromat. She had accidently opened up the wrong dryer door and instantly she knew that it wasn't hers, even before the woman on the bench had yelled "hey bitch, get away from my clothes!!!" She had been flooded with emotion over the smell of freaking dryer sheets. She managed an apology and made a mental note of the brand on the ladies box of softener.

Ever since that day she had always used that brand. When you have no ties to the first 19 years of your life, you take nostalgia in any form, even dryer sheets. And even in an inexplicable affinity to maraschino cherries which is why her lunch consisted of a jar of cherries and a Caesar salad.

"Alice to your register please, Alice up front to your register!!!!" Jessica never would allow a lunch break to go uninterrupted. Popping a couple pain killers into her mouth she tossed her garbage in the basket and took a leisurely paced walk back to the front.

"For the love of all things holy Alice, think you could walk any slower??!" Jessica Stanley had the most annoying whine to her voice.

"Quick movement seems to make my head hurt worse Jess…" Alice drawled slowly "Maybe I should have this looked at."

"Oh no honey, you just take your time waiting on people, I'm sure you'll be ok... in fact take the express register." The syrupy tone to Jessica's voice almost made Alice laugh out loud. She had a way of predicting people's reactions and had a knack of manipulating with her ability to read people.

The rest of her shift passed fairly quickly. The little grocery store in Port Angeles never really was that busy except during the holiday season, and September had no real holiday to cause busyness. As the last few moments of her shift arrived she started to dread her return home.

An empty house. A home that wasn't really hers. Another sleepless night. This is what she was thinking as she walked out to her old beat up pickup truck.

Lately she'd been dreaming a lot at night, and the dreams were disturbing her. Since her rebirth she had not had a man in her life, and she didn't have any true memory of one before that. Recently her dreams had presented a man, who seemed to be harmless… yet for some reason she woke up scared to death.

Her shrink had been telling her that there was a strong chance that she had been abused in her previous life. He probably was right. Carlisle was a great doctor, but was even better at reading people than she herself. She always felt like he had experienced hundreds of years worth of stuff, that he was much older in experience than he was in actual years. She had never wished for a psychiatrist, but she was glad that the one forced upon her had been Carlisle.

She remembered when she had arrived here in the spring. She had woken up in an alley. She had no idea where she was, how she had gotten there or who she was. It was clear that she belonged somewhere, although the where was unrecognizable. As she stumbled out onto a main street she had heard a voice say "Miss, are you ok?" When she turned to see who was speaking she couldn't shake the fear she felt as she faced a police officer who looked none too friendly.

Her first instinct had been wrong though. Chief Swan had been friendly. And helpful too. He took her into a diner about a block away and bought her breakfast, all the while talking to her. It became obvious that she had no answers. Her clothes appeared to be brand new, and she carried an army surplus backpack.

Chief Swan had asked to take a look inside the bag that Alice had been oblivious to carrying. What he found was a typed note that said:

You are Alice Smith. Your birth date is 6/18/89. You have no past. This is your future. Good Luck.

The note was accompanied with a bank envelope of $10,000 cash, a birth certificate with the same identification, some bottled water, a change of clothes and a sweater. That same sweater was the one that she wore as she drove home to Forks that day. Whoever had picked it out for her had done a good job. It was warm and it fit her perfectly.

She pulled up in front of the Swan house. It turned out that Chief Swan had an apartment above his garage. It wasn't much but it wasn't like she had other options. Chief Swan, who she had agreed to call Charlie, ran extensive background checks in pursuit of her past. He found nothing. Alice was a mystery.

Climbing out of the truck she realized that Bella was home. Bella was Charlie's daughter, and had become Alice's friend. Alice had recognized right away that she and Bella would be close, although she had no real reason for it.

Bella was a fairly plain young woman with a desire to remain unnoticed the majority of the time. She was pretty, but not beautiful. Slender but not athletic. Just average.

Alice was anything but average. While Bella's appearance may have been typical, Alice's was not. She was petite, slender with a most unique face including topaz eyes that seemed to strike extremes with people either making them uncomfortable or making them entirely at ease with her.

Maybe it was the fact that she didn't have a past to look back on, or expectations about what her future should hold, but Alice was quite comfortable in her skin. If only she could shake the desire to know where she came from, she might have been quite happy in Forks.

Instead of heading up to her apartment she skipped up the steps to Charlie's house and rapped on the door.

"Bella!!?" she chirped.

"Alice!!!! I'm upstairs, come on up!" was Bella's reply.

"Bella, what on earth are you doing?" Alice walked in the bedroom to find Bella's clothes strewn everywhere.

"Edward has invited me to dinner with some old friends and I have no clue what to wear." Bella replied as she wrapped Alice up in a big hug, a hug that put pressure on the bruises from Alice's encounter at the grocery store.

"Ow... don't..." Alice grumbled.

"What's the matter?"

Alice debated whether to share. Finally she decided that Bella would be ok with it. She proceeded to describe her attack, while Bella's jaw dropped to the floor.

"And she wasn't arrested or anything? I mean, what on earth is going on down there at Stanley's? Did you tell my dad? You need to tell Charlie!"

"Relax Bells, it's all over. And it didn't hurt that much. It was just some scum sucker. I probably served as her anger management therapy for the day," Alice tried to joke. "Besides, I get the feeling that I've probably lived through much worse."

"Alice you know that doesn't make her any less guilty," Bella retorted. She sensed her friend's desire to drop the whole thing so she said "Just don't be afraid to talk to Charlie about it ok?"

"Agreed." Said Alice, "Now do you want to borrow a dress?"

"I thought you'd never ask. Just nothing too flashy ok?"

Alice giggled, "Bells, my sense of style is trendy yet classic. I don't do flashy. I'll find you the perfect dress."

* * *

Later that evening Alice sunk into a hot bath and felt the effects of her bruises as the blood pulsed to the spots on her ribs and arms chest where Irena the midget had assaulted her. Oddly enough it wasn't the physical pain that was bothering her though. It was her lack of normality.

She had watched Edward Cullen pick up Bella from above the garage. Edward was... well he was beautiful. And he was a fantastic guy. He was in fact the son of Carlisle, Alice's favorite shrink. Edward adored Bella, and Bella adored Edward.

From what Alice had gathered, Carlisle had moved his family to Forks just a couple years prior to when Alice had been reborn. Bella had stolen Edward's heart from the start. She now wore a beautiful 2 carat diamond on her left hand and as soon as college was over they were set to tie the knot. Alice was to be maid of honor.

Alice, whose life was so painfully obviously different from Bella's. Alice whose pathetic life consisted of working in a grocery store, freelance writing, living above Bella's garage where the sports car that Bella's boyfriend had bought her was parked, while Alice drove Bella's hand-me-down beat up truck.

She really was happy for her friend, but it was hard to ignore the fact that she coveted much of what Bella was blessed with. There were holes in Alice's being that were left gapingly open. There were times when the loneliness was just too much to bear. It was an awful feeling knowing that not only does no one around you know the real you... but you don't even know the real you.

Then there was the lack of a relationship. Watching Edward wrap his arms around Bella as if nothing else could ever complete him was just another reminder of how incomplete Alice was. Had she ever been with a man? Had she ever loved? Even she didn't know. But it was hilarious to her that she would desire a relationship when even the potential love interest who had been meeting her in her dreams had sparked an awful sense of fear.

She dried herself off and curled up on her bed with her laptop, carrying out her nighttime ritual of googling her own name. She knew it was pathetic and useless but she did it anyway. Charlie had explained to her that the identity that she had been assigned by whoever dropped her in the alley had obviously not been hers so there would be nothing to be found under the name "Alice Smith". Charlie had searched for any missing person reports, any criminal reports... any clues that might have led to information about her past. There were none to be found. Whoever had created her so-called new life did not want her to resurface.

Charlie. Charlie had been wonderful. He'd spent the last 7 months becoming a father figure. He had extended hospitality, love and dirt cheap rent. He'd even asked her to take his and Bella's last name, so now she was Alice Swan. His only stipulation had been that she agreed to seek help from Carlisle. Deep down Alice knew she needed it anyway.

The softness of her feather pillow was too much and she finally surrendered to it, in spite of her desire to avoid the fear she knew would come with her dreams. She shut down her computer and allowed herself to be pulled into sleep, sleep with visions of a tall, messy haired man who seem to affect her greatly without even coming near her.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

_A/N – This is my very first fic so I'd love even just one review but please be gentle as I cry easily… disclaimer: Stephanie is the genius and all things Twilight belong to her. I'm just using and abusing her characters._

Besides the sound of her head pounding, Alice awoke to a tranquil Saturday morning equipped with the rare rays of sun streaming in her window. She had dreamed the same dreams as usual but only twice had woken up shaking with fear from the beautiful young man's face. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, stretched and realized that it wasn't her head pounding after all. It was an over-zealous visitor knocking on her door.

"Who is it?" she called, tying on her pink fluffy robe and stumbling across her living room towards the door, tripping over the outdated shag carpet on the way.

"Alice it's Bella, are you awake? Please tell me you're awake?"

"Bella seriously, how could I be talking to you if I wasn't awake?" Alice grumbled as she slide the lock open and jumped out of the way as Bella rushed in.

"I need you. Get dressed and look pretty." Bella was already handing a mug of coffee to her and tugging on the sleeve of her robe.

"Ok, you need to slow this down a tad, you do realize that it's not even 9am and I'm not a morning person? Last night couldn't have gone that badly, I didn't even hear you come home. What's with the urgency?" Alice was not pleased, although the gift of caffeine was appreciated.

When she finally convinced Bella to slow down it became evident what the problem was. The night hadn't gone badly. It had gone really well. So well in fact, that Edward's friends wanted a second encounter with the love of his life. They wanted to go on a nature hike of sorts.

"Alice what on earth am I going to do? They asked me if I was interested in hiking, and of course I wanted to impress them so I told them that I go hiking with my best friend all the time, that I love the outdoors, that I prefer to "rough it" when I go camping and I thi.."

"Wait what?" Alice cut her off, "What was that part about hiking with your best friend? And what best friend would this be again? Must be the best friend that has never been hiking in her life?"

"Now Alice, you don't KNOW that you've never been hiking, I mean you very well could be an expert hiker and we'd never know!" Bella tried to make light of the situation but anyone could look at Alice and tell that she was not exactly an outdoorswoman.

Alice could see where this was leading. "So let me guess Bells, you told Edward's friends that you would go hiking with them today?"

"Well yes. Of course they asked me to bring you along… and of course I said sure." Bella's fingers fidgeted nervously with her coffee mug. "Would you Alice? Could you puh-lease just fake this one out for me? How hard can hiking be? I'm sure that you own sneakers right? And it's your day off right? Please?"

Alice already knew she'd have to go. It's not an easy thing to turn down the one true friend that you've ever had. At least in this lifetime. She walked to the bathroom, as she let out a sigh and asked "How long do I have to shower?"

"I told Edward that they could pick us up by 10:00. That will work right? Should I pick out some clothes for you?"

"Not hardly," giggled Alice "I'll pick out my own clothes thanks, besides I'll have to dig out those cute sneakers I bought a couple weeks ago since I don't own hiking boots or whatever one wears in the wild."

As she turned the shower knob to hot Bella came to the bathroom door and started spilling information from dinner the night before, prattling on about someone named Rosalie and Emmett, who was Edward's older brother. Bella seemed to be intimidated by this Rose, and was making snide comments about the probability of her having a full wardrobe of designer hiking gear.

"So obviously they are taking a walk through the woods with us? I thought you said it was Edward's old friend that was in town. They're just family silly. You'd better get used to them, they're going to be your family soon enough." Alice was in the shower by now and was relishing the hot water. She was starting to dread the idea of getting all sweaty and smelly hiking up the mountainside. Weren't there wild animals out there too?

She heard Bella clear her throat in hesitation. "Yes they're coming. And so is Jasper."

"I'm sorry what? What kind of a name is Jasper?" Alice was puzzled as to what Bella was beating around the bush about.

"Jasper is Edward's childhood friend, best friend actually. He seems like a fantastic guy. I don't know that much about him but Edward thinks the world of him. And… he's single…" Bella trailed off.

"Bella!" Alice scolded.

"Alice!" Bella retorted and quickly shut the bathroom door to end the conversation.

Alice was mortified. All of a sudden it all made sense. She was coming along so that Jasper wouldn't feel like a 5th wheel. It was Alice the girl who had not done anything more than shake hands with a few older gentlemen since her rebirth. It was Alice who avoided eye contact with young men at work because she was afraid of leading someone on. She was so fearful of what a date might involve that she'd rather not chance it. Alice was supposed to be this Jasper's company for the day?

As she dried off she was starting to regret her decision to help out her friend. Knots in her stomach were forming and she knew that this day was going to go down as one of the more traumatic ones in her short history of life.

They were waiting on the front porch of Charlie's house when Edward pulled up. He jumped out to open the doors for them and let out a little laugh when he saw that the two outdoorswomen were carrying designer purses that appeared to be loaded with water bottles, makeup and scented hand lotion… all the necessities of a day in the wilderness.

"Hi Edward!" Alice was not being false with him, she truly was happy to see him and they always got along well. "Please tell me this is just a cruel joke and we're actually hiking up the escalator at a mall today?" she winked as Bella elbowed her in the ribs.

Edward snickered. "No chance Alice, Bella is excited to impress us all with your skills!" He opened up the back door of his jeep and she delicately climbed up in. "We're swinging by the motel to pick up Jasper on the way." He announced before slamming her door shut.

Forks only had one motel. It sat across from the diner and looked like something off of an old serial killer movie. The office was located in the middle with a one floor row of rooms on either side of it. In front was a sign that read Forks Motel. Such a catchy name.

Alice spent the 3 minute trip to the Motel taking deep breaths and telling herself that she was sure that she was capable of befriending Jasper. Bella had assured her that friendship was the only thing they were requesting of her. Both Bella and Edward were aware that Alice was not exactly prime dating material yet.

"Why isn't he just staying with you?" Alice heard Bella whisper to Edward as she leaned over to kiss his cheek. They could be sickening sweet at times.

"He's going to but he wanted to put in a couple days at the motel, since his work paid for it and his boss thinks he's here scouting." Was Edward's reply. Scouting? What on earth did that mean? Alice didn't want to interrupt their nuzzling and nibbling or anything but she really wanted to know what sort of scouting Jasper was into. A million awful ideas ran through her mind. Was he a lifetime boy scout? Would he be bragging about different badges he'd earned?

Or worse yet, was he one of those guys who scouted out college girls for pinup calendars? She was appalled. She didn't have time to let her imagination run much wilder though, because Edward was turning into a parking space in front of room 9b.

Then it happened. The door opened slowly and Jasper stepped out. Alice couldn't tell if it was her imagination but the world seemed to stop spinning for just a few seconds. She could hear her heart beating faster and faster and just as she was about to tell Bella that she didn't think it was a good idea for her to go anywhere after all Jasper's hand was opening up the jeep door. How had he moved so fast?

"Hello, you must be the famous Alice… I'm Jasper Hale. It's a pleasure to meet you." His words had a slight drawl to them and she realized that he was extending his hand into the car to her. She focused on it and reached out to shake it, just praying that it didn't feel as limp and weak as it felt to her.

He slid into his seat and tossed a backpack in between them. It was all a blur to Alice. She was sure that he must have been able to hear her heart beating. He was so close that she could smell him. He smelled like a mix of some sort of aftershave and Alice's favorite dryer sheets. One would have thought that at least the familiar scent would have put her more at ease, but it didn't.

She stared at her feet, in full awareness that he was looking in her direction. She wanted to crawl into a hole, but short of jumping out of a moving vehicle there was no place to go. Bella and Edward were talking between themselves in the front seats and she couldn't even hear their conversation over the music so she couldn't join in. There was no escape.

Jasper's eyes followed her gaze to her feet at which point he blurted out "Sooo… do you hike often in those sneakers?"

Her face was burning. Finally she thought to herself _This is ridiculous Alice, you work at a store and talk to strangers everyday… you can do this! _So she counted to three and replied "Actually I am not a hiker. I've never hiked. I'm just here because my darling best friend wanted to impress you so here we are ready to hike." She released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

To her surprise, Jasper laughed out loud, and not in an obnoxious way. They rode the rest of the way in silence and when they arrived at a pull off spot at the edge of town Edward parked the jeep. A nice looking couple whom Alice assumed was Emmett and Rosalie were already there waiting, leaned against the front end of a baby blue Porsche.

Jasper opened his door and extended his hand to her saying "Here let me help you out this way so that you don't have to step in this puddle with those pretty white sneakers on." The gentlemanly effort was impressive and the gesture was not lost on Alice. She slowly took his hand and jumped over the puddle to the dry land on the other side.

As she landed the bruises from the previous day's attack were aching more than ever. She winced a bit and he must have noticed because immediately he caught her elbow as if she was going to fall. The additional contact startled her and she looked up curiously at his face for the first time.

Every ounce of air left her body and she could feel herself shaking when she realized that the face she was gazing at was the same beautiful face that had haunted her dreams. Fear enveloped her soul and she opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out. His voice was calling her name as everything went black around her, and then there was silence.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you to those that reviewed and to those that took the time to even read! I appreciate the kind words so much. DISCLAIMER: As all of you are fully aware, I do not own Twilight.

_"Alice, wake up! Come on Alice come back!"_

_ "Maybe we should splash some cold water on her?"_

_ "Has she been feeling ok lately? "_

_ "As far as I know, although she did hit her head at work yesterday.. Oh no Edward do you think?"_

_ "Seems like a concussion would have already shown symptoms."_

_ "Alice come on honey, you've got to wake up!"_

_ "Alice can you hear me? Can you hear me?"_

That last voice. It's the one that did it. It was smooth, and deep, with a slight southern drawl. Something about it made her want to both smile and run away all at the same time. It was such a calm voice but yet urgent and even though she could tell that it was his and was reminded of the panic that his face had caused her she realized that as he talked she was soothed.

She opened her eyes cautiously. She realized that she was almost lying on the ground, with her head and shoulders in Bella's lap and it became evident that everyone was staring at her.

"Alice! Oh wow Alice we were so scared, are you ok? Are you dizzy?.." Bella trailed off or maybe she kept talking but Alice definitely wasn't hearing her. Her eyes were on the man who had caused such a commotion within her.

Jasper's eyes were searching Alice's face for some sort of reaction, preferably a healthy one. She was torn between feeling mortified that she had passed out at the site of him and wondering why on earth he looked so familiar. Her brain was scouring itself for any sort of clue. Had she known Jasper? Had he resurfaced in her life? But he certainly didn't seem to recognize her.

"Alice.. I.. are you ok?" His words were chosen carefully, as if he somehow sensed that most of her fainting spell had been caused by his presence. His eyes shone with concern and it almost seemed like he was trying to will her back to good health by staring at her so intensely.

"I think so. I'm ok, did I faint? I could hear you all but I just…" She honestly didn't want to finish. How could she? What would they all think if she told them that she had been having dreams about Jasper before ever meeting him and that the site of him made her want to retreat within her soul so that she didn't want to ever wake.

"Just rest" Bella soothed "And we'll get you home in no time."

Alice heard bits and pieces of the conversation that followed, although she wasn't nearly paying attention. She watched just Jasper cautiously and kept wondering. They decided that Alice clearly wasn't in shape for hiking and someone came to the conclusion that perhaps her blood sugar was low so she should eat something. It appeared that Bella and Edward were going to carry on their plan of hiking and that they would stay with Rosalie and Emmett, leaving both Edward's jeep and Alice in Jasper's care. Still not truly listening, Alice was startled when Jasper wrapped an arm around her and lifted her gently to her feet.

"Where are we going?!" She asked, in a slightly annoyed tone. Bell and her soon to be family were already headed up the trail.

"Home, I mean, well I don't know, I just.. If you don't want me to take you, I'll get one of the others to drive you?" It was obvious that Jasper did not want to pressure Alice into anything she was uncomfortable with. She really didn't want to ruin Bella's day. She just shook her head and let him help her to the jeep in silence.

Once inside she curled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them as he started the engine. She tried not to stare but it was hard not to. He obviously was more comfortable with her than she was with him. There were no signs of his heart racing, his hands weren't shaking, and his eyes didn't look like they were going to spill into fearful tears any time soon. It was so obvious that Alice's reaction to him had not been normal. How could he have not noticed that? She just about jumped out of her skin when she heard him speak.

"So you are obviously appalled at me for whatever reason.. Can I inquire as to what that reason is?" His voice was so calm. It wasn't unfriendly. It was just careful. As if he knew that his tone of voice could somehow improve Alice's mental state. She knew that she had to answer him.

"I'm not appalled. I'm really not. I'm just confused." Was her reply.

"Oh. Are you feeling any better? Can I buy you a burger and maybe try this whole day over again?" Jasper shot her a look that implied more than his casual conversation itself had. His eyes looked like they were begging for an explanation.

"I guess I could eat. That would be ok." _Jeesh Alice, don't kill him with kindness or anything. _She obviously wasn't going to win any brownie points with her conversation skills at this point. Of course, she had remained conscious for the last few minutes so she was making progress.

Jasper pulled into a spot in front of the diner and got out before Alice could even unbuckle her seat belt. He opened her door for her and she couldn't help but notice what a gentleman he'd been through all of this. She gingerly stepped down onto the curb, with him catching her hand on the way. She felt her head spin at his touch and she started to wonder if she was going to pass out again. He guided her to the diner door and she slipped her hand out of his, hoping that he didn't take it personally.

She felt a little sick as they found a booth and she wondered how on earth she was going to eat while wondering what connection he had to her past life. She must have known him. She must have somehow recognized him. Why else had she been dreaming about him?

They sat in silence while looking at the menu and then when the waitress came Alice ordered a caesar side salad and she saw Jasper frowning at her. It was obvious that he was concerned about her needing to get more solid food in her. She added a cheeseburger on to her order for good measure, along with a cup of coffee. As the waitress walked away she realized he was still searching her face for some sort of explanation about her behavior. She finally took a deep breath and dove right in.

"How do you know me?" the words came out of her mouth faster than she had intended.

"I'm sorry? Don't you remember, I'm Edward's friend? We met an hour ago?" It was obvious he was confused now.

"But we haven't met before?" now it was her turn to be confused.

"Not that I know of, do you remember me?" He didn't show any signs of lying.

"I don't remember anyone. I don't even remember me." She could tell he hadn't heard her story, or the lack thereof. "I have amnesia. I woke up in an alley less than a year ago and I remembered nothing of my life before that point."

She could see some of the confusion fade from his chiseled features. "And you think I'm familiar?" he asked.

"Not exactly. I…" how on earth could she tell a complete stranger that for the past few months she had been dreaming about him when she hadn't even met him? "Well I've been having these dreams, or rather the same dream over and over. You're in it. For whatever reason you're always in it, and I always wake up in a panic."

Jasper let out a slow breath and took a sip of his water. She could see that he was relieved in a way, that he understood at least where her anxiety stemmed from now. The waitress came with their food before he could open his mouth to speak.

He bowed his head for a few seconds and she thought for sure she had offended him. "I'm sorry if I freaked you out, are you ok?"

He looked up and quickly said "Oh no, you didn't offend me. I was just praying."

"Oh. Do you pray before every meal?" she asked curiously.

"Pretty much. My faith is… well my new life is too blessed to not remember to say thank you often." He must have read something on her face because he continued in explanation. "I'm a Christian. As in the evangelical type. I was born again a few years ago and what you see here is my second chance at being Jasper Hale. I hope the prayer didn't make you uncomfortable, most people don't notice."

"No, I just.. I get it I guess. It's funny sort of. I was born again mentally. You were born again spiritually." Alice had been distracted by the conversation and she had forgotten about her food. She took a bite of burger and chewed thoughtfully. It was truly ironic. She was in no way a Christian, in no way religious at all. In fact if anything she felt like there was just something evil inside her that no God could ever let walk on earth. She realized that there were two very different people sitting across from each other in that booth. One seemed to have a lot purer heart than the other, and the ironic part was that the evil one was afraid of the innocent one.

Once again it seemed like he understood her feelings on the topic.

"I'm not by any means perfect mind you, I'm a sinner just the same. I've done a lot of bad things in my lifetime and I regret a lot. I just know that my life is turned around.. I'm so sorry if this is weird to you. I didn't mean to get all religious and…. Well let's talk about something different. Tell me about the dreams?" Jasper obviously wanted to change the subject.

"Well they are just a dream. I meet you. And I get too scared and I wake up." She was trying not to talk with her mouth full as she spoke.

"Too scared for what? What are we supposed to be doing in the dream?" Jasper truly was inquisitive.

"I don't know. I never stay around long enough to find out. But I'm sure it's you. You scare me.. And I've always thought you were someone in my past." Alice could feel his eyes on her but she avoided making contact with them.

"So what you're telling me is that you basically had a vision about meeting me?" Jasper seemed amused by this.

"Not really, I mean in the dream I walk into a diner and you're sitting there, and you turn around and I" before she finished he cut her off.

"A diner like this one, the one we're sitting in now?" She could see that he was weaving it all together in his head.

"I suppose. Although a little different. And we didn't actually meet here." She stammered over the words a little.

"But we did. I wouldn't call what happened in the jeep a proper introduction." He protested. "I would say that right now, sitting right here we are meeting. We are learning about each other. My question to you is, are you still afraid of me?"

Such a loaded question. She was. But for entirely different reasons. It was more a nervousness now. She believed that he was right, she hadn't met him before. But she was still confused about her dream. She was also nervous about WHY she'd been so frightened in the dream.

"Honestly I am. I know I have no solid reason to be, but I can't help wondering that if my dream had predicted our meeting.. Is there a reason that I was afraid of you. I mean, was it a prediction that I should be afraid of you?" Alice looked up when she said this because she felt the need to see his reaction.

Ever so slowly he reached across the table and put his hand on top of hers, and in that familiar deep voice said "Alice I don't know why you had those dreams. I'm not sure what they meant. But I can promise you that I have no reason to hurt you and that I will do anything in my power to dissolve this fear you have for me, if you'll let me. I really just want to know you."

Alice looked at him, paying attention to the details of his face. He truly was beautiful. She must have been scrutinizing him a bit too much because he ran his fingers through his messy hair, as sort of a nervous gesture and cleared his throat reminding her that he was expecting some sort of an answer.

"I think I'd like to get to know you. And I'll let you know me, or at least what I know of me which isn't very much." It was the truth. She really did want to know more about him. She just was still so unsure of whether she herself would even be worth knowing.

As he drove her across the little town she found herself slightly nervous about going home. She had never truly known what to expect out of life and part of her wondered if she would ever wake up again in a strange place and not remember what occurred in her previous days or years. How could she possibly ever carry on a life knowing that everything she currently had could just as easily slip away into nothingness just like her first life had?

"It's that house with the red truck in front of it." She pointed as she spoke.

"Is that yours?" he asked.

"It is. Well, I mean it is now. It was Bella's. I live in the apartment above Chief Swan's garage." Alice put her hand on the door as she tried to gather the courage to open it… unsure of what a proper goodbye would consist of after the man who pushes you to the brink of a nervous breakdown drives you home.

"Do you wonder about what your previous life was? I mean, if there is someone out there searching for you, someone who you could be… part of?" he whispered. Jasper worded his questions so carefully, it was almost as if he could feel her anxiety and tiptoed around the broken shards of what was left of her sanity.

"I do. Often. But whoever left me in the alley didn't want me to be found or to find them. Part of me is afraid that if I do find them, I won't like who I find or who I am. So I'm just accepting of me being Alice Swan. This is my life now, this is all that's left." Alice went to get out of the truck but his hand touched her arm, stopping her and sending her heart beat into the most irregular patterns.

"Alice, I don't know about your past life, but there is a legend that says that when the phoenix rises again from the fire, it always is reborn stronger.. Its new soul is stronger than the previous one ever was. The fire refines it. You might be a little like the phoenix, you might be stronger now than you ever were. You might be strong enough to face whatever is in your past, strong enough to choose to close the door on it even." Jasper spoke earnestly and quickly and his voice calmed her heart a little.

Before she realized it he had jumped out and was opening her door for her. She stepped down from the jeep and saw him extending his hand. She shook it and said simply "It was nice to finally meet you Jasper Hale."


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N_: This is a longer chapter. I'm excited to get to the action in the story but I really don't want to be unrealistic and rush through what little time Alice has in getting to know Jasper.

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight.

_There was blood everywhere. It was all over her hands, her arms, her body… not a single spot on Alice was unstained. She wanted to run, she wanted to run far from there and hide but her legs were frozen, paralyzed to the floor as if someone had pressed pause in the middle of the scariest scene in a horror movie. The screams were so loud but she couldn't tell where they were coming from. It was as if they were running in circles around her, just waiting for her to try to run away and then they were going to reach out and attack. She felt something warm touching her, like fingers but she couldn't see anyone near her. Shaking and crying she opened her mouth to yell for help but no sound came out. Like a frightened little girl she sat down on the floor and just rocked as the tears fell and the screams echoed._

"Alice! Alice wake up honey, you're having a dream!" Bella was gently shaking her arm and when she opened her eyes she realized that she was sitting straight up in bed rocking back and forth in the same position that she was in the nightmare. It had indeed been a nightmare, and she was able to breathe a sigh of relief when she realized that it wasn't real, that there was no blood, no screaming. At least not in this life.

"Wow. What time is it?" she asked as she tried to regain her composure.

"Nearly 5 o'clock" she heard Edward answer from her kitchen. "You have slept for hours because you were sleeping when we came to check on you and that was close to 3:00."

Alice wrinkled her brow at Bella who was still sitting on the edge of the bed. "And you've been here since?"

"Well we were a little concerned about how you were feeling. We talked to Jasper when we got back to the car and he said he thought you were in need of some rest but that you seemed ok. I just needed to see for myself."

Jasper. The recollection of her embarrassing encounter with the man of her dreams, or more accurately man of her nightmares brought a slight flush to Alice's face. She still didn't know what to think of him but it was clear that he was attempting to be friendly with her and her inexperience with men made the whole idea rather nerve wracking.

"Are you blushing?" Bella asked in an incredulous tone, the kind of tone that one uses when one already knows the answer but wants to point out exactly how shocked they are by the obvious. "You like him? Alice you practically go into some sort of spontaneous coma over him and then you decide you like him?"

"I never said I liked him." Alice stood up from the bed while she answered, mostly so that she could avoid eye contact with Bella. "He seemed… intriguing. And we chatted a bit over lunch. Why didn't you guys warn him about my lack of past anyway?"

Edward was standing in the doorway with a cup of coffee. "Well it didn't seem like that was something that I was at liberty to share about you." Edward always was the one with excellent manners and priorities. She made a mental note that if Edward liked Jasper then he must be a fairly decent human being.

She accepted the coffee gratefully and was taking a sip when she felt Bella's hand on her shoulder. Curious, she turned to look into her friends big brown eyes.

"Alice… Carlisle wants to see you." As Bella spoke reality kicked into Alice's brain. They must have talked to him. And he must be worried that she's gone off the deep end. Had she gone off the deep end? I mean, can anyone so far from normal even worry about going a little crazy?

"Like, see me when? I have an appointment on Tuesday already." She answered.

"Like, see you now. He said he'd see you in his office at home whenever you woke up." Bella was trying to sound lighthearted about it but her words were laced with concern. "The Cullens have invited us to eat dinner with them afterwards." She added.

Breathing in a long calm breath Alice nodded and went to brush her teeth. She could hear Bella whispering to Edward and she couldn't help but feel a little paranoid. Like the insane sister at family get-togethers who nobody wanted to upset because she was volatile enough to throw a vase across the room or knock over the Christmas tree. She knew that Carlisle didn't share anything about her therapy, but she also knew that everyone in her life was aware of the obvious stress of her situation.

Walking out of the bathroom she shook off the paranoid thoughts. She grabbed her jacket and pranced out the door ahead of them with a lighthearted "Let's go!"

Alice's hands picked at the buttons of the leather couch. It was comfortable, stylish but it was a little too heavy and manly for Alice's taste. She would have preferred something a little more petite, perhaps with some softer lines to it. But she awarded bonus points for it being brown and not black. Black leather was not appropriate in an office, and Carlisle was not a black leather type person.

"Are you with me Alice, or are you too busy analyzing my sofa?" Carlisle quipped. That's the problem with therapy. The shrink ends up knowing the patient quite well, perhaps too well.

"I'm sorry but there's not much more to say. I told you, Jasper is the guy from my dream." Alice had never been uncomfortable talking to Carlisle before but somehow Jasper was not something that she wanted to talk over. Part of her was afraid that the good doctor's advice would be to stay away from him because she wasn't stable enough to get involved with a man. She already knew this. She hated this.

"You're sure it's him? He doesn't just resemble him?" He said with a thoughtful look.

"I'm positive. Even his voice is the same." Alice rolled her eyes at his doubt.

"Well. That's a new take on the situation. Any other dreams?" Carlisle was taking notes now and it looked like they were actually detailed, more detailed than their usual sessions required.

She hesitated but finally relaxed and told him about the bloody nightmare that had been her last dream. She told him everything about it and even as she talked her heart raced and she could feel her eyes burning. The hell about therapy is that you not only have to experience all the pain but then you have to rehash it for the shrink, which is just what every crazy person wants to do.

Carlisle looked a little disturbed by her story. He cleared his throat before speaking and crossed his legs, shifting his weight so that he was leaning towards Alice rather than away from her. With carefully chosen words he spoke. "Alice, you know that I've always been concerned about abuse in your past. Could you tell if this blood in the dream was yours?"

She shook her head no.

"I think that we need to monitor these dreams carefully. There could be anything in your past but whatever that anything is… we can be sure that it was traumatic in some way. People don't just forget everything about themselves without cause. You need to, I'm sorry WE need to be very careful. If you start to remember things then we need to work on helping you process the information and hopefully prevent as much emotional stress as possible." He cleared his throat and continued. "And your spell today is an example of how the body can react to stress. Be cautious with Jasper. If you want to pursue him then please remember that you are not truly healthy yet. "

Before he continued Alice cut him off "I'm not pursuing anyone!" she yelped with indignation. "Who said I was pursuing anyone, all I said was that he was interesting and that he scared me. Everyone keeps assuming.. and besides, who says that Jasper is even interested in me anyway? I wouldn't know what to do with a guy even if he did like me." At that she trailed off, with less enthusiasm and more disappointment than any other emotion behind those words.

"Alice," Carlisle spoke calmly "You will know what to do with Jasper if you have him. It's not rocket science. And besides that it sounds like you had a good start this afternoon, or at least it sounded like it from his account."

"What? He talked to you? What did he say?" Alice's voice was even higher pitched than usual and she was wringing her hands nervously.

Carlisle laughed. "He just said that you were pretty and that he had a good time. This says a lot considering the girl he was on the date with passed out from fear."

Alice was visibly mortified and groaned as she collapsed back onto the couch. "Why am I so tied up over this? I don't even know him. He's just some guy!" She yelled from the pillow that she had buried her face in.

"Well, I'm unsure if this will help your situation but perhaps you can get to know him over dinner tonight, as I believe that my wife plans on seating you next to him."

Alice was helping to clear the table and trying not to stare at Jasper out of the corner of her eye. Dinner had been delicious, not that Alice remembered a single food that she had been served. She was too nervous about her close proximity with Jasper.

They hadn't really spoken to each other much, although she had managed to participate in the group conversation and she had made some interesting observations about everyone at the table. Emmett, however intimating he was because of his large stature and ridiculously inhuman amount of muscle, was a friendly sort with a great sense of humor. Rosalie was gorgeous and perfectly proportionate like a Barbie doll with a sarcastic personality and a flair for fashion. Edward and Bella had been their typical in love selves.

Mrs. Cullen, or Esme as she had asked to be called, was unbelievably sweet. She was a mom above all else and she made a vacant spot in Alice's heart ache for the knowledge of what her own mother had been like. When Esme had hugged her hello and looked so genuinely concerned and happy to see her that she had almost become bitter over it. Alice usually didn't notice her lack of mother because she had never even met Bella's mother so it was rarely obvious that Alice was missing yet another normal aspect of life.

And then there was Jasper. Alice had learned quite a bit about Jasper. She had gathered information like some sort of undercover agent, listening to any little factoid that was thrown about him, or any casual conversation that he was involved in. It seemed that there was a lot to be known about Jasper Hale.

For instance, she now knew that he was a recruiter for a college baseball team, the team on which he also played at the college he attended as a student. He was in town scouting high school baseball players, and he would be leaving town Sunday night so that he wouldn't miss class on Monday. It seemed that he was majoring in History. There was no mention of siblings, but much reminiscing of childhood exploits with Edward. There was also no mention of girlfriends, and for that Alice was so grateful.

Throughout dinner Jasper had touched her 5 times. Once when he pushed her chair in for her, when his hand brushed her shoulder. When she had passed the salad to him he had inadvertently touched her hand. When his cell phone was ringing from his jacket pocket in the foyer he had to get up and go silence it and in the process he had bumped knees with her. The fourth time was when he handed her the salt and his fingers light grazed hers. Then the last time was actually on purpose when he touched her arm to get her attention to ask for her to confirm to Edward that he had indeed driven carefully in the jeep earlier that day.

All five touches were spectacular. They both excited her and scared her at the same time. Wonder was sparked about whether or not he even realized that he was touching her, whether or not he was the least bit interested in her. _What the hell Alice, you're considering a bumped knee as romance? That's insane even for you! _She almost rolled her eyes at herself.

As she carried dirty dishes to the sink she couldn't help but notice that when he smiled he was beautiful. His hair was wavy and messy and just begging to be touched. He had a very defined jaw and lips that looked incredibly soft. When he smiled she could see perfect teeth and when he laughed it sent chills down her spine.

And then there were his eyes. Those eyes were so deep, like pools of pain and suffering that had been a reservoir for some sort of past hurts. They made Alice partially want run away from the fear of what lived in them and partially want to take him in her arms and hold him while promising that nothing bad would ever happen again.

He was well built too, but then again he was apparently an athlete. He had removed his hoodie before dinner and the black t-shirt that was underneath did not disguise his muscle. She thought about those arms wrapped around her and it made her think of all the nights that she woke up shaking with fear. She wondered how it would feel to know that she was not alone, to know that there was someone else there, someone who would not let go of her. Someone with incredibly muscular arms.

"I'll load the dishwasher if you rinse them off." Jasper's smooth voice interrupted her thoughts so abruptly that she blushed because of the intimate way she had been thinking about him.

"Um, yes, I mean, you don't have to, but yes.." Wow. What a way with words Alice.

She went to work in the hot sudsy water, clearing the debris from the pots and pans. Esme was a good cook but wow she was messy. She tried hard not to wonder about Jasper's intentions. He was just friendly. In fact he was probably just trying to be nice to the sweet little traumatized crazy girl.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he drawled.

"I was thinking about how much I don't want to work tomorrow." She lied. She hoped she was good at lying, she didn't know for sure if she'd had much experience with it.

"Where do you work?" he looked puzzled, obviously trying to figure out where she would have to work on a Sunday.

"Stanley's Grocery. It's in Port Angeles. I'm a cashier there." Alice focused on the dishes even though she could feel him looking at her.

"Can I ask, do you blush this much when the customers talk to you?" She could hear the smirk on his face when he said it and she turned and gasped, probably getting pinker by the minute.

"Oh, am I blushing? I didn't realize." She lied again. "I'm just… Well I'm just not used to attention from people."

"I find that hard to believe." His answer was softly spoken but loud enough for her to hear. She felt her knees get weak and she started to sway a little. He must have noticed because he reached out to steady her.

"Are you ok? I don't want to make you uncomfortable. You aren't going to faint?" He seemed genuinely concerned but it bothered her to know that he was worried about the effect he had on her. Because that meant he was aware of the effect and its intensity.

"I'm ok. I'm really ok." Her answer did not persuade him to remove his hand from her arm. It was so warm and it made Alice's whole entire being want to melt. And apparently it made her blush even more because he grinned at her.

"Apparently I need to keep my distance before you turn permanently pink." He joked but it might be closer to realistic than he realized.

She just laughed and went back to rinsing dishes and surprisingly the few moments of silence that followed were not uncomfortable. The quiet was broken when he said "So I hear that you write?" It was half statement half question. He had obviously been doing a little research.

"I do. I freelance, selling articles and stories to magazines and newspapers. It's not enough to entirely pay the bills but I like it and it pays some." Alice noticed that there were only a few dishes left so she slowed down the rinsing process in order to give herself more time with him.

"Wow, that's fantastic, I mean aren't you a little young for that? Have you had much writing experience or college or anything?" As soon as the words left his mouth she could see that he regretted saying them. He, like so many other people, had momentarily forgotten about all that she had permanently forgotten.

"It's ok Jasper, seriously it's ok. It happens all the time. I'm not sure if I have ever had experience or anything." She stated the obvious, "but sometimes I feel like I may have. I was obviously well trained in writing and I am not limited in knowledge so I wonder sometimes if I have been to college. It's hard to say because the only age I have to go by is the one that was written on the note we found when I woke up in the alley."

Jasper still appeared disappointed in himself and he choked out an "I'm sorry for not remembering though, it's really inexcusable."

"It's ok, really." When she looked down she realized that her hand had reached out and touched his arm and the harmless effort to comfort him shocked her. She withdrew her hand and went back to washing.

"Could I have read anything that you've written?" Jasper was looking at her intently so she avoided looking back out of fear that she'd go back to being tongue tied.

"I guess so. Some of my articles have made it into bigger magazines. And I have a couple short stories that have been included in compilation books too. I use my rebirth name, Alice Smith as a penname. It's generic but it serves its purpose.

The dishes were loaded and as much as Alice would have liked to stall, Esme walked in and shooed them into the living room telling them that they weren't allowed to "work" any more and that they had to come join in the fun. The fun was apparently a competitive game of monopoly. The normalness of the Cullens was starting to nauseate Alice.

"I think I better go home, it's getting late and I have to work in the morning." Alice announced as she walked into the living room.

Before anyone could even protest Jasper blurted out "I can give you a ride!" at which someone snickered a little. "I mean, I need to turn in anyway because I'm supposed to be meeting one of the Port Angeles coaches tomorrow morning for breakfast."

He looked at Alice with questioning eyes that seemed to wonder if she would leave with him, which was what she herself was wondering. She couldn't seem to choke out a word so she just nodded in agreement. Esme hugged her goodbye and made her promise to come back soon to visit and by the time she was released from the embrace Jasper was standing with her jacket waiting for her to put an arm in.

Alice had never been helped into a jacket before, or at least not that she could remember. It felt odd to have someone take care of her that way. Oddly personal. She felt her stomach jumping around in response to his close proximity and she briefly wondered if she would make it home without vomiting at the first sign of affection. She took a deep breath and headed for the door, which he of course opened for her.

He opened the car door too and once again she was stunned by his chivalry. And she was also stunned by the fact that he drove a normal car, not one of the flashy models that the Cullens seemed to prefer. She decided that this was a good thing.

The ride home consisted of him asking questions, most of which were about the last six months of her life. It was small talk but it felt like he was thirsty for information and to him her answers were anything but unimportant. She had to admit it was nice to have a new friend around, now if she could only stop thinking inappropriate thoughts about him.

When they pulled up in front of Charlie's house, Alice's nervousness grew. She didn't know what she was afraid of, it was not like this was a date so she was fairly certain there were no expectations to be concerned with. It became obvious to her that she was more worried about the fact that he was leaving in 24 hours. As odd as it was, she was going to miss this man she didn't even really know.

"So I've asked you a whole lot… isn't there anything you want to ask me?" Jasper looked concerned and he must have seen the confused look on her face. He added "I mean, you shouldn't really accept a dinner invitation with a guy unless you're sure you know a little bit about him." She could see a mischievous smile in the dashboard light's reflection.

"Dinner invitation?" She was still confused.

"Alice, will you go to dinner with me tomorrow night after you get out of work? I don't mind leaving town fairly late and I'm assuming we both plan on eating dinner at some point tomorrow night and… well frankly darlin, I just want to spend some more time with you." Jasper's voice had grown deeper as he talked and she could have sworn that he looked like he was blushing a bit himself.

"Yes, I'd like that." Alice looked away out of nervousness. "But you're right, tell me a little bit about yourself."

"Well I'm 21 years old, I'm a baseball player and I work part-time as a scout to pay for my tuition." He saw the puzzled look on her face so he added "I was in a lot of trouble as a teenager so any scholarships were forfeited on my behalf. I was given a chance to earn my keep a little by working as a talent scout."

That explained a lot. But what trouble had he been in? Before Alice could ask he kept talking.

"I like to play guitar and read. I'm a history major. I'm allergic to strawberries. I've only been in one real relationship and that didn't work out. I'm not a fan of spiders and I don't watch romantic movies." He hesitated a little. "Today I met a beautiful girl who was deathly afraid of me and I haven't been able to think about anyone or anything else since. I hadn't realized how lonely my existence was until I looked into her eyes full of emotion and saw the reflection of how empty mine were."

Alice told herself to keep breathing, in an attempt to keep her body from shutting down out of pure shock. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to respond or what was expected. Before she could even formulate words he had reached over and taken her hand.

"Alice I mean it when I say that I want to know you. If that's too threatening to you I'll understand , but I have to try because if I don't then I'll never know the person behind this flood of confusion you've thrown me into. " His voice was raspy with emotion and the words sparked something in her.

"I'm not good. I'm broken, broken like beyond repair broken. I'm like a jigsaw puzzle that you bring home from a yard sale only to find out that the previous owner lost half the pieces so you'll never have the complete picture." Alice faltered, trying so hard to push him away before any true damage was done. She was panicking and her body raced with adrenaline.

"I'm ok with missing pieces." He said with quiet confidence.

"I don't… I just don't want to offer myself to someone when I'm so damaged that I could be toxic to them. And I don't know how to have a relationship; I mean I don't even know how to go on a date. I don't understand what the rules are, whether or not you're even really asking me on a date. I can't even tell if you're interested in me… I'm just… I think I'm not ready!" With this she fumbled with the door, not figuring out the handle.

Before she could get it open Jasper was outside her door opening it for her. She rushed out of the car and when she did she dropped her purse. She heard her keys clatter to the ground and she let out a tearless sob as she realized that she couldn't make the escape she was planning.

Jasper on the other hand was quite calm and collected, or at least he appeared to be. As she knelt to pick up her belongings she realized that he was kneeling next to her. She looked up with scared eyes and realized that he wasn't just next to her, he was so close she could feel him.

He took her hands and held them both in his. Moments passed and finally he said "Alice you're not anymore broken than I am." He helped her to her feet and half carried her up the steps to her apartment. Unlocking the door for her, he handed her the keys and made sure she was inside safely. Before he turned to walk out the door he ran a finger along her cheek and said "I know you're scared, and you probably should be considering what has happened to you, but I'm not giving up." With that he left and she burst into tears.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: _This is another long chapter but I'm excited about it, because lost little Alice is starting to reclaim her personality a little. Thank you to those who have reviewed, I really really appreciate your kind words. Every time I get a review it makes me want to sit down and write another chapter! I "heart" reviews...

Just another disclaimer: Twilight and its characters still do not belong to me. *sigh*

_She was sitting in a dark room that looked like a small theater of sorts and she was shaking violently. Her lungs were burning as if she was never going to get oxygen again. She looked up when she heard a door creak open and she couldn't see who was opening it. Children always think that if they close their eyes then nobody will see them, and she squeezed her eyes shut and rocked, crying quietly, praying quietly that whoever it was wouldn't see her, that they would just go away. She heard the footsteps as they came across the stage towards her and heard a deep voice say "Alice?"... When she opened her eyes she saw the silhouette of a cougar..._

Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep… Waking up was getting easier and easier for Alice. It seemed like even her alarm was a welcoming sound because it nicely removed her from the personal hell called sleep. She reached over and smacked the clock.

Sunday. She had an 8-4:30 shift at work and she was not looking forward to it. By the time she had stopped crying she was so exhausted that she could barely drag herself to bed the previous night. As she rubbed her sore eyes she remembered the cause of her tears.

Jasper Hale's face flashed through her mind and she found herself wondering about the hurt expression she had seen on his face as he had helped her up the stairs. Was he really that disappointed? Would she ever see him again?

Silly to even ponder such things considering the fact that she had made it very clear that she wasn't ready for whatever it was that Jasper had to offer. She hurried through her shower and grabbed a travel mug of coffee and headed for her truck.

The trip to Port Angeles was not a long one, but it allowed enough time for her to reflect back on the dream. She wondered what it had meant, if it was a reflection of her past or just a random dream. She shivered as she recalled that desperate feeling from the nightmare. For half a second she thought about calling Carlisle to discuss it but it didn't take her long to decide against it.

Her day passed uneventfully and the store was actually fairly busy for a Sunday. She had many friendly customers and she found herself grateful for the distraction that they provided. On her lunch break she had spent some time jotting down some notes for her next story and that also proved to be therapeutic, taking her mind off the obvious happenings of her weekend.

It was nearly 4:15 when she heard a voice behind her say "Excuse me darlin' but I was wondering if you had dinner plans?"

She froze. There was no way. She had told him no. In fact she was positive she had told him no.

"I.. I thought.. didn't I tell you no?" She stammered through her response without even turning around but she could feel the heat radiating from him so she was sure he was standing fairly close to her.

"Technically no. You told me a lot of things, basically that you aren't ready for a relationship.. But I'm just asking you to dinner and I never heard you say that you wouldn't dine with me. So will you?" Jasper's voice was smiling at her and she couldn't help but chuckle inside at his pure determination.

"I don't clock out for another fifteen minutes." Alice was sure that wasn't going to be a valid excuse to say no, and sure enough he had a ready response.

"Actually, I spoke with that lovely manager over there and she said she'd be happy to let you leave now, considering that you have an out-of-town friend who's just dying to catch up with you." As he spoke he pointed over her shoulder towards Jessica who was waving enthusiastically and giving her the thumbs up like she was straight off of Happy Days.

Alice didn't answer but turned off the light of her register and locked it, knowing that Jess would take care of the rest. She walked out to her locker and almost jumped a foot when she realized that he had followed her. "You did see the EMPLOYEES ONLY sign on the wall right?" She glared at him.

He grinned. "I saw it. But I'm not afraid of that Jessica chick, what's she gonna do, flip her hair at me in protest?"

At this Alice had to laugh because he had read Jess so well. "So where are we going?" she asked in defeat. It was hard to argue with someone who she thought was so cute. "I don't even have a change of clothes with me."

"Not a problem, I can follow you home and you can drop your truck off and change while you're there." Jasper seemed to have an answer for everything.

* * *

The ride back to Alice's house passed quickly because she spent it wondering what on earth had come over her, it was almost as if she had been chemically affected by Jasper Hale. She was astonished at how fast the confident, content Alice could be pushed out of the picture to be replaced by the stuttering, worried, emotionally unstable Alice. The last six months had been traumatic, but she had been able to recover and actually was quite an independent person. She was at least, until she had met Jasper. Life after Jasper had become some sort of spectrum between fear and lust, between her neurological system shutting down and her hormones kicking into overdrive.

How was she supposed to function within his presence? _One thing for sure, _she thought as she pulled into her driveway, _I need to figure it out, and figure it out quickly._

She made it a point to jump out of her truck before he had the chance to open her door for her. She at least had to try to stop giving him so many opportunities to leave her speechless. She started to head up the stairs and she felt her heart skip a beat when she realized he was following her up the steps.

"I hope you don't mind if I come in?" Jasper could apparently sense her apprehension.

"Um, no I guess not." Alice was silently praying that her house was fairly clean, nothing embarrassing lying around that she wouldn't want the man of her nightmares to see.

As she unlocked the door she hit the switch and headed directly for her room to change. Behind her she could hear Jasper walk into the living room area and take a seat on the couch. She closed the bed room door behind her, and made a beeline for the closet. _What am I going to wear??? I have no freaking clue where he'll take me!!!_

She settled on a skirt because she figured that it would give her an excuse to not participate in any strenuous activities considering that he was an athlete and to him a date might involve something athletic. _Alice this is not a date, get a grip will ya! _Two fitted t-shirts later and she was ready to pull on a cute pair of cowboy boots on and her favorite pair of earrings. As she was putting fresh eye liner and lip gloss on in her mirror she realized that she was putting way too much effort into this. _I ought to at least look presentable, even if I can't manage to squeak out a conversation with him._

When she opened the bedroom door she half expected him to be staring in her direction but he wasn't. Instead he had a one of the picture frames that had been sitting on her end table in his hand and was staring at it. She cleared her throat a little and he looked up and grinned.

"Nice boots!" As he said it he lifted his leg up so she could see that he also had cowboy boots on, but obviously his were real and more utilitarian, not a designer's take on the latest fall fashion. She was mortified.

"Oh, I didn't even realize you had them on, I mean I wasn't trying to…" She trailed off, sure that her face was beet red.

He laughed out loud. "Darlin' I know you didn't try to coordinate your outfit with mine, if that's what you're afraid of." His focus went back to the picture and he patted the couch as if he wanted her to sit. "These pictures, who are the people in them? I mean I recognize Bella and I'm assuming this is her dad, but what about this one here?"

The one in his hand was a group shot with a huge family. Alice was not in the picture. She nervously played with the bracelet on her wrist thinking about how to answer. She could lie, but that didn't seem right. She could tell the truth but that would add to her already crazy image. She could feel her heart racing towards panic.

"If you don't want to answer it's ok, but please know that you can talk to me Alice, that's what friends do." Jasper's smooth voice seemed to calm her. She took a deep breath and started talking.

"Shortly after I moved in here, Bella suggested that I put some pictures out of my new life. She was concerned that this apartment didn't seem very much like a home without any photos of the people I care about. Bells always has a camera in hand so I did have some nice shots to display. We went shopping for picture frames and picked out a few to match the photos. While we were looking I found this one and it was beautiful, and so was the family in the sample picture. Well this is that family. As a joke I told Bella that I would buy it and at it could represent the family I never knew. And now it sits on my end table." She let out a sigh and waited. Surely he was going to think she was certifiably insane by the end of this non-date.

"That makes perfect sense to me." Jasper answered.

"What?" She asked in disbelief.

"It does, it makes sense. And when you find your real family you can take out these folks and put a picture of your real family in right?" He was altogether too cool with this.

"I call them the Snickerbockers." She said absentmindedly, still reeling from his acceptance.

He laughed loudly. "Well let's put the Snickerbockers back on the shelf." And with that he placed the frame back where he had found it.

When she looked up at him she realized that he was looking back at her and she cursed herself for making eye contact because she knew that tended to disable her speaking skills. She couldn't look away fast enough though, and instead just flushed a little when he spoke. "You look really pretty Alice, I mean you are really pretty."

"Thank you. So do you. Um, I mean not pretty.. oh for heaven's sake!!!" And with that she was standing and trying to ignore the smirk on his face. "I'm sick of not being able to speak around you! I don't know if it's the dream or just that you make me nervous but I WILL regain my confidence at some point here! Now let's go!"

He was still smiling and in spite of it she felt a little relieved at her outburst. He stood and followed her to the door. He grabbed the jacket she had worn earlier from the coat rack to offer her but she raised an eyebrow and shook her head. Instead she grabbed a different one from the rack and simply said "That one doesn't look right with a skirt." And out the door she went.

* * *

Jasper drove up to this little Italian restaurant in Port Angeles and parked the car. Before he turned the car off he looked at Alice and said "I am going to open doors for you. I can tell that you're trying to avoid it, for whatever reason but it's not going to work. My mama raised me to be a gentleman and that's who I am. I'm not doing it to make you uncomfortable; I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do."

Before she could even open her mouth to speak he was out of the car and walking around to her side. He opened the door and offered his hand to help her out. She still was a little shocked by his statement but she managed to reach out and take his hand. He didn't let go of her hand until the door was shut and he had turned to say "That's not to say that I don't like the excuse to take such a pretty girl's hand." She could feel her face get hot and figured that it was time to let her expression speak for herself before her words made a more awkward statement.

"Shall we?" he asked, offering up his arm this time instead of his hand, which for some reason seemed even more intimate. She took a deep breath and remembered how much better she felt at her apartment when she had been bold rather than meek.

"We Shall." She said as she slipped her little hand through his elbow and marveled at how much she liked the feel of her arm in his.

After being seated at the table she felt her stomach growl and she realized that she truly was hungry. She ordered a ziti dish with alfredo sauce. She was certainly not going to attempt to slurp spaghetti while on a non-date.

"You do realize that this is a date right?" How on earth did he keep doing that? Was he reading her mind or was she that easy to predict?

"Is it? I was unaware." She said, sipping her water and pretending to be indifferent.

"Yes it is. And by the end of it you will be wishing that I didn't have to leave tonight." She looked up and found him winking at her and realized he was just playing. Little did he realize she already wished that. _Oh what the hell Alice, be bold remember?_

"How do you know I don't already wish you weren't leaving?" She felt so proud of herself that she almost bounced in her seat, in spite of her flushed face.

"Well Miss Alice! Are you flirting with me?" She could see the shock in his eyes but his grin made it worthwhile.

"I guess I am. I'm a sucker for a southern gentleman. Where are you from anyway?" She wrinkled her brow when she realized that there was an awful lot she didn't know about Jasper.

"We moved around a lot but I was born in Texas. We were living in Chicago when I met the Cullens. When they moved to Seattle and then Forks, I was living back in Texas again so my accent emerged from the depths." He seemed quite content to explain his past so she kept prying.

"And where do you go to school?" She still hadn't figured out the answer to this one, although yesterday she had noticed a bulldog on his sweatshirt.

"Gonzaga. It's in Spokane. It's… about seven hours from here." He answered cheerfully.

"Seven hours?? What are you doing sitting here with me? You're going to get back in the middle of the night at this rate!" Alice was genuinely concerned.

"I'm not worried, and it's well worth it to me." Was Jasper's simple reply.

The waitress brought the food and they continued to talk while they ate, all while Alice waited for her anxiety levels to rise at any given point. To her surprise they never did. She found out that Jasper has a family but that he wasn't terribly close with them. According to him the Cullens were more of a family to him than his own parents. She also found out that while in high school he had been arrested on some drug related charges and although she didn't ask what kind of drugs he used he volunteered that "if it was at all mind altering then I not only tried it but I sold it." She wasn't too concerned with that because, well he was honest about it and also because she had no idea what transgressions of her own would be hiding in her past.

Eventually over dessert and coffee he started asking more questions about her rebirth and her life since then. "So.. would you ever try to dig deeper in an attempt to find out who you are?" Jasper asked, only slightly distracted by the waitress bringing his receipt back for the bill that he had paid. She hadn't bothered to protest because she was sure he wouldn't have let her even think about paying for her meal.

"I don't know. I think I would but I've never figured out where to start." Alice was being truthful. Short of using google and all Charlie's resources she had never thought of any other way.

"Maybe you should start with you. I mean, not your memories but your dreams. Keep a dream journal or something. At some point you might be able to piece some things together." He said this carefully, as though he'd been thinking on it for some time before it actually came out. It made sense though, because he knew already that her dreams had been a source of stress and confusion.

Alice nodded and glanced at the clock. It was almost ten o'clock. She did the math and gasped out loud. "Jasper it's going to be 5am by the time you get home!"

He just smiled and stood up in consent, putting his jacket on and helping her into hers. As they walked away from the table she felt him slip his hand into hers. Her heart raced a little and her stomach flipped flop but for once she didn't feel scared.

The drive home continued their conversation and he drove one-handed while drawing little lines up and down her palm with his fingers. He insisted that she program her phone number into his cell phone as he drove and she take his number too. As he parked in her driveway he turned to look at her.

"Alice there's something you should know." His words came out hesitantly.

_Oh My God, he's married, or has kids, or….. _he continued talking before her mind could explore any other ridiculous theories.

"I wasn't just here recruiting for Gonzaga this weekend, although that was part of it. I graduate in December and I'm looking into taking some graduate classes in Seattle at U of W, plus doing some recruiting for them. I interviewed with them Friday." He released a breath and looked at Alice.

"So this means…?" Alice didn't understand why he was nervous about this.

"I'll be living there. Or here rather. I'm staying at the Cullens. As of right now I only have to be in Seattle 2 days a week when I'm not working so I'll be staying at the Cullen house a lot. Edward has an apartment near campus, as I'm sure you're aware of but I didn't want to invade on his privacy with Bella so I'm going to stay at the Cullen house as much as possible." He took another deep breath and continued. "What I'm saying is, I'll be around a lot. And I'd like to be around you a lot."

Alice's eyes grew wide when she realized what he was implying. He wanted to see her again. This goodbye wasn't goodbye. The butterflies started and she was already a little dizzy by the time she mumbled, "I'm ok with that, I mean, I'd like that."

Jasper opened her door for her and walked her to the bottom of her stairs and took her hand before she started up them, causing her to a stop. She felt herself tense as she worried about what was coming next but when he pulled her to him she couldn't help melting. He wrapped her up in a big bear hug and held her there for a few minutes. It was warm and it felt so right that Alice felt no trace of anxiety, in fact his arms inexplicably felt like home to her. She lifted her face to look at him and he bent a little and brushed his lips across hers in a quick kiss and before she knew it he was releasing her, mumbling something about how it was going to be a long drive. "Goodnight Alice, sweet dreams." He said as he walked back to the car.

She climbed her stairs, shocked at the fact that her legs still worked and grateful that Bella was already back in Seattle because by now she would have been peering out the window at her while clapping and cheering. She locked the door behind her and went straight for her favorite cozy pj's before climbing into bed and turning off the light.

She lay there in the darkness wondering how the last two days could have been such a rollercoaster. It felt like a dream, although much better than any of her nightmarish dreams. Jasper stirred such a wide range of feelings within her and yet she was unable to resist him. Part of her wondered how she would ever make it to December without feeling that way again. Just before she fell asleep her phone vibrated on her bedside table. She picked it up to see a text message from him that simply said…

_I miss you already and I barely know you_.


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: _Thanks so much to those who are reading this story and especially if you've reviewed. It makes writing my first fic so much more encouraging to know that there are people out there who like this story. I "heart" you lots. Seriously lots.**

**This chapter was tough to write. Seriously tough. Because a day in Forks without Jasper is like a day without sunshine. Or some other cheesey thing. **

**Disclaimer: Of course Twilight's not mine, hence I sit at a desk and crunch numbers for a living rather than write for money.**

_Day 1: Woke up feeling confused. Last night's dreams were filled with just black and blood red images which resembled people's profiles, shadows and geometric shapes, along with disturbing screams._

_Day 2: Last night I dreamt about a little girl who was stuck in a washing machine. I watched her try to climb out but an adult male kept slamming the top back down on her. I never saw his face or anything. I couldn't do anything to help her and felt scared and helpless. A very strange dream. Carlisle rescheduled my appointment until Thursday so I can't even talk to him about it._

_Day 3: Last night was odd. I did dream but it was just voices, nothing visual. It was like over hearing a muffled conversation. I did hear the name Mike at some point._

_Day 4: I woke up at 3:42AM after dreaming that I was drowning in blood. Then I went back to sleep and had a romantic dream about Jasper. It's the first happy dream I've had in forever. I woke up rested._

Alice could only hope that Jasper never asked to see the dream journal that he had suggested that she keep. It was Thursday and the days that had passed had been spent mostly by daydreaming about him, with a few hours of work and writing interspersed among them. She would have been lying if she said she didn't miss him.

Life without Jasper was dull at its best. No more fluctuating moods, no more excited moments over how close she stood to him, and she certainly hadn't lost consciousness. When she really thought about it she should probably have considered herself healthier without his presence.

She did not. She considered herself… distracted.

Jasper had called twice since leaving and had texted her every night simply to ask how her day went. He always seemed to call at a point when she was lowest and his voice carried her back up to a point of hope. Hope of a different existence, an existence of being a normal woman in a healthy relationship, developing a history. The history of Alice.

The morning after he left she had woke up to her phone ringing. Bella had heard through Edward about the successful dinner date shared by Alice and Jasper. Alice couldn't help but notice the surprise in Bella's voice. Bella was her best friend but even she hadn't predicted that Alice would be able to begin dating so soon after her rebirth. Alice was secretly proud of her own progress. She could only hope that she could keep up her bravery.

She had picked up an extra shift this week so she hadn't had a single day off since she had last seen Jasper and she had strategically planned it that way. Keeping busy was better than pining away because she missed some guy that she barely knew.

But today she didn't have to work. She also didn't have any true errands to run. She spent the early morning finishing the short story she'd been working on. It was a story about an army wife whose husband had been taken hostage in Vietnam. He returned home to her many years later and they shared a joyous reunion only for him to suffer a heart attack three days later and die. It was tragic. Alice was thrilled with the way it flowed. She emailed it to her favorite literary magazine, the one with the best reputation.

After she showered and washed 2 loads of laundry she was left with little else to do. So she went to the kitchen and started to make lunch. By the time she was done she had two Panini sandwiches loaded with Italian meats, cheeses and peppers and a pot of roasted red pepper bisque, with a chocolate cream pie for dessert. It was too much food for just Alice.

She packed the whole meal up and carried it out to her truck and found herself driving across town to the police station where she found Charlie just about to walk out the door towards the diner. He was happy to cancel his usual lunch locale in order to have a picnic with Alice instead. They walked across the street from the station to the little park equipped with picnic tables.

"So I hear you had a pretty successful date recently?" Charlie's statement was formed as a question, and even though he said it while he unwrapped his sandwich it was obvious he was watching her face for a reaction.

"I guess I did. I don't really know if I'd call it that but I did go to dinner with Jasper Hale on Sunday." Alice tried to seem uncaring about the whole thing. The last thing she wanted was for Charlie to worry about her. "Soup?" She asked as she poured from the thermos into the mugs she had packed.

"Of course!" Charlie was avid fan of food, even though this lunch was a far cry from the greasy diner grub that he was used to. "Alice I think it's great that you're dating again." He said it thoughtfully as he chewed.

"Again? Aren't you going out on a limb by assuming that I've ever dated at all?" Alice laughed as she thought of her lack of skill when it came to flirting and men.

"Well it's unlikely that any pretty girl your age hadn't had some sort of boyfriend. And I'm glad that you're giving the Hale kid a chance. I've met him a few times, he seems like he has a good head on his shoulders." Charlie was giving his approval here. She could have pretended that she didn't care but it would have been untruthful at best. Charlie was her dad now.

"Thanks Charlie. I really do respect your opinion. Hey you're saving room for dessert right?" Alice's eyes grew wide as she realized that he had devoured his whole Panini and cup of soup.

"Alice, have you ever known me to turn down dessert?" He grinned as he reached for the huge piece of pie that she had cut for him.

* * *

After she had packed up her lunch and Charlie had thanked her repeatedly for lunch she realized she had some time to kill before it was time for her appointment with Carlisle. She decided to head to Port Angeles anyway though, and she spent the 2 extra hours browsing in some cute little shops.

She reflected over every little thing that she picked. _Would I have liked this in my previous life? Should this remind me of someone? Do I like this because of a below the surface memory of a purse I used to own? Jasper would look nice in this sweater. Would I freak him out if I bought him a gift already? Would I have even liked Jasper in my previous life?_

She realized that all of this was pointless, but she had found herself asking these questions constantly as of late. She questioned her habits; her reasoning. It was becoming harder and harder to just accept things without wondering about the cause.

As she wandered through a thrift store she realized that every single item in that store had a history. Granted, a history that a purchaser never would learn but they had a history just the same. It amused her to think that she had a lot in common with all these treasures. If Jasper were to accept her, to make her his own, he would never know her back story. He would never know if her previous owners were kind to her, if she had been loved or even if she was fully functional.

She would be just a second hand purchase based on blind faith and hope.

She paid for her purchases and tossed them in her truck before walking into the little book store next door. Books were her weakness. This particular book store sold new releases along with all the classics and they had a sizeable used book section. Alice browsed happily. She picked up an old copy of a Tale of Two Cities and she flipped through excitedly. And a realization hit her.

She remembered all the books she had read. She had never even thought about it before. Carlisle had always said that it was normal for her to remember how to function in society, how to use technology, and most of her previously learned skills. He had never mentioned books, or even movies for that matter but she knew that there were many that she had read and that she remembered clearly although she couldn't have said where or when she read them.

She picked out a couple of her favorite novels and was shocked to recognize a short story compilation on the shelf full of educational books. It was a compilation that she herself had contributed to only a few short months ago. It must have been published sooner than expected. She grabbed the copy and rushed to the register, realizing that she was dangerously close to being late for her appointment.

* * *

"I think the dream journal was a brilliant idea Alice. It will help you keep the images documented and may also give you a place to vent your frustrations about not understanding them." Carlisle said as he took some notes in his own little journal. It was called the "Alice" book. He kept a book for each of his patients. She was pretty sure that hers was probably one of the fullest though.

"I guess so." She sighed. "Hey Carlisle, do you think it would be worth it if I started to investigate my history a bit more aggressively?"

"Alice, you know it can be very damaging to your progress if you spend too much time trying to find your past rather than creating a future for yourself."

She took a deep breath and said "Can we just pretend that you aren't Dr. Cullen right now and you can just be my respected advisor Carlisle instead? Lately I really have been having a hard time accepting that I have no history; in fact I've been thinking that there must be someone, somewhere out there who knows who I am."

Carlisle took his glasses off and rubbed his temples in thought. She could see confliction in his eyes when he looked up at her. He took a deep breath and spoke.

"Alice I do understand your desire to remember. I just don't know if it's wise for you to nose around too much. Someone obviously wanted you to disappear for whatever reason or else they wouldn't have transplanted you in an alley with a new identity. That person or persons could be dangerous. I just don't think you should broadcast your search for the old Alice." He paused. "In fact all it might take is for them to recognize you because you wouldn't even recognize them to avoid them."

She felt her mouth gaping open and she tried to regain her composure before she spoke. Truthfully she had never even thought about the fact that she might be in danger or that someone out there might be keeping an eye on her.

"I, uh, I understand, um, I understand what you're saying. Thanks, um, thanks for the advice." _Smooth Alice, really smooth… why don't you just confess that you had lived all the months of your current life under the delusion that you were safe._

Carlisle cleared his throat and said "I guess I don't see any harm in you reading more police reports on missing persons, crimes and the like though. If you find something that triggers some memories then you might actually find some answers without endangering your physical wellbeing although there's no predicting how it will affect your emotional or mental health."

Alice almost jumped up to hug him but she figured that wasn't something that one typically did with one's shrink. "Oh Carlisle, thank you so much!" she squealed with enthusiasm. "I really didn't want to delve into my empty void of a history without your support. You're the best!"

* * *

When she walked out of Carlisle's office she realized that she was more or less skipping, like a little child who was given permission to walk to the candy store for the very first time. It almost disturbed her to know how excited she was. Had she always really wanted to find out more? Was her void really a void or was it just a lack of purpose?

The drive home was boring as usual but Alice had a lot on her mind so it passed quickly. It was getting close to dinner time and although she didn't have plans she found herself wishing that she did. She mused over whether her beat up old truck could make the trip all the way to Jasper's doorstep. _"Hi Jazz, I was just in the neighborhood so I thought I'd stop by!" She giggled. "What? Oh you didn't have dinner plans? Well what a coincidence, neither did I! Of course I'd be thrilled to kiss you, er, I mean go to dinner with you!"_ It was pretty sad when she couldn't even fantasize about a conversation with the guy without stumbling over her words.

She pulled into the driveway, chuckling over how truly pathetic it was that she was having pretend conversations with her pretend boyfriend who was hours and hours away. _Get a grip Alice. _

Dinner was a lonely affair. She ate while watching the evening news, which she immediately regretted. It was based out of Seattle and while Forks was a very dull area in the line of crime Seattle was not. There were two stabbings and an abduction reported by the Barbie doll look-alike woman who was sitting in for the usual anchorwoman. _Someone should tell her that it's impolite to smile while reporting on stabbings._ For a brief second Alice wondered if the lady had taken a few too many happy pills before going on the air.

When the bimbo went on to the next story that was about a domestic shooting Alice knew she had to change the channel. Between Carlisle's worry about her safety and all the violent crimes in news she had a feeling that her dreams were going to be anything but peaceful.

As she was washing the dishes she closed her eyes and relished the feeling of the warm water washing over them. It reminded her of doing dishes at the Cullens' house and how oddly exciting that had been even in her constant anxiety. And it made her miss him.

She collapsed on her bed with the tv still on. When she glanced at the clock she realized that it was only 7:32. She couldn't go to sleep yet, she wasn't even really sleepy. She peeked out her window to see if Charlie was home yet but didn't see his squad car. There was a man jogging down the sidewalk in front of the house and immediately she had images of a stalker from a past life patrolling her neighborhood. _Great Carlisle, look what you've done. Now I'm all out paranoid. _She shook her head in disgust but she went and slid the dead bolt closed on her door just to be safe. Then she flopped back on the bed and tried to pay attention to the Golden Girls episode that was on but her eyes kept drifting between her clock and the phone.

7:35 _I wonder if Jasper will call tonight. _7:42 _He's probably really busy, I mean for all I know he could be working. _7:47 _Maybe he thinks things have been moving too quickly so he's not going to call for a while. _7:51 _I wish I dared to call him. I wish I knew if he liked my hair like this. I wish I knew if he missed me. Man, how is only 7:53 right now? Seems so much later. I bet he hasn't even thought of me. Maybe I'll see him the next time he passes through town._

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! Bzzzzzzzzzzzz!

The vibrating phone shook her out of her self-induced funk. She grabbed it and opened it without even looking at the caller id and answered it breathlessly. "Hello!"

"Hey Alice, remember that one time when we went to dinner with Angela and your bitchy boss? What was the name of that place? You know, the one with the really good steak?" Bella's voice paused just long enough that Alice could tell that her human need for oxygen had interfered with her excitement over a good hunk of beef. "Alice???"

"I'm here. It was Salvatore's. And it was delicious." She sighed with her words.

"Thanks! Hey, are you just sitting around moping? Why don't you just call him Alice?" Bella said it with such a concerned voice that Alice had a hard time being frustrated with her friend's obvious oblivion.

"Bells I don't even know if it would be right to call, I mean I don't want him to think I'm stalking him or anything, and for all I know he's interested in someone else or is dating someone, or is stuck on a desert island somewhere without a phone…" She trailed off in a depressed tone.

"Alice he's not involved with anyone else, Edward would know." Bella's voice was sure of herself. "Besides how…" BEEP! "feel if he was just waiting for you to call?" BEEP!

"Bella! I have a beep, I love you, BYE!" Alice's fingers would barely function as she hurried to hit the button to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey darlin'!" Jasper's voice sounded so smooth like he was just continuing a conversation that had never ended. She felt tingles in her stomach as she tried to compose herself.

"Hi Jasper!" She choked the words out, while trying to catch her breath from her excitement.

"Alice are you ever going to call me?" His drawl was thick tonight.

"I'm sorry, what?"

He cleared his throat and carefully spoke. "We've been getting to know each other for a week now and I find it hard to believe that I'm the only one who can't stop thinking about where this is leading.. yet somehow I'm the only one who picks up the phone and dials. You know you can call me right? I gave you my number for a reason darlin' so please don't be afraid to use it."

_How did he know I was wondering that? How did he know I was nervous about it?_ She was starting to think that Jasper had some sort of strange super-human powers. He just seemed to always know how she was feeling.

"Oh, well I just, I mean, I didn't want to bother you or anything, I'm sure you lead a busy life…" She made excuses hoping that he couldn't read through all her pathetic babbling. She finally took a deep breath. "I can call you?"

"Please call me! Alice, I'd like nothing better than for you to call me whenever and wherever. In fact ma'am, it would probably bring an unbelievable amount of sunshine to my day." Jasper's smile could be heard through his words and she was starting to think that she'd melt into a puddle right there in her bed.

She knew her own grin was clearly audible as well as she blurted out "I hope you have unlimited minutes on that phone!"

His laughter carried away all the doubts that she'd had and made the world right again. They talked until almost midnight.

He told her stories about his childhood. She told him all the things she hoped that she had done as a child.

He explained why he loved baseball so much. She explained how writing allowed her to feel like she actually did have something interesting to contribute to the world.

He told her that he'd never been on the phone with a beautiful girl for such a long period of time. She laughed, thankful that he couldn't see her blush and told him that she didn't think she'd ever talked on the phone with any guy longer than 5 minutes, let alone one who thought she was beautiful.

He asked her if she'd be ok with him driving into town the next night to spend the weekend in Forks. She tried to remember to breathe as she told him that she'd be absolutely positively ok with that.

He said "sweet dreams".

She said "I'll try."


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Sorry this chapter took so long, real life has happened in a big way as of late and I don't like to post something that I'm not sure about. After much tweaking this feels like it will work. Hope you like it!!!!! And if you do then review!!!!**_

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and although I love SM's characters I can't take credit for them._**

_She was running, faster than she'd ever run before, and she still felt like she would never get there. With a sense of panic she kept looking over her shoulder and behind her she could see thousands of orange and red fingers reaching out to grab her, brushing against her clothes and searing at her skin…_

"Help!!!!!!!" Alice sat up in bed, her cries for help echoing through the little apartment. She tried to calm her breathing as she realized that it was just another dream, just another morning. She collapsed back into her pillow and sighed as she realized that she had woken up just minutes before her alarm was scheduled to go off.

She raked her fingers through her hair as she laid there thinking about the dream. Part of her wondered if the dreams did indeed mean anything or if they were just nonsense. Another part of her hoped that they were definitely the past, because the one dream of Jasper was obviously a prediction, not a memory. She did not want to think about all these horrid dreams being a prediction of what was to come.

After the alarm finally beeped she dragged herself to the shower and managed to dress and do her hair and makeup. She really didn't want to go to work. In fact she was dreading it, for no actual reason beside the fact that it was a boring job.

The first half of her shift she spent wondering what she and Jasper would be doing this weekend. She knew he wanted to see her, but they hadn't detailed any plans or anything. She realized that she didn't even know for sure that she'd see him tonight, considering he might get into town fairly late.

As she waited on customers she daydreamed about all the romantic dates they could go on. _Picnic in the park, romantic movies, candlelit dinner, shopping at the mall… _

"Alice I hate to tell you but shopping at the mall is not a romantic date." Said a deep voice. She looked up to see Jacob Black standing in her line with 2 submarine sandwiches and bags of chips. He was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, looking all sweaty.

"Oh! Did I say that out loud?!" Alice was mortified. Jake was a good friend of Bella's and someone that Bella had actually tried to date at one time, and although she knew him fairly well she was still embarrassed by the idea of sharing her daydreams verbally.

"Relax Alice, all I heard was the last line. Why are you planning a romantic date with me anyway?" Jake's grin was huge and she could tell he was actually trying to flirt with her.

_Wow, when it rains it pours men. First I can't even get a date and now I've been flirted with twice in one week._

"Oh Jake, you know I could never date my best friend's ex!" Alice admonished. She wasn't lying. Jacob was a great guy and nice looking enough but she could never date someone who had any sort of history with Bella. It just wasn't something she was comfortable with.

"I suppose it would be bad for me to date Bella's best friend… so if you're not planning a date with me, who do you have on your mind little pixie?" Alice couldn't argue with the pixie comment. Jacob towered over her by at least a foot if not more.

"Oh, just some guy that I met recently." She answered. "I'm not really planning a date with him either, I was just thinking of potential date ideas if you really must know."

Jake grabbed his grabbed his bag of groceries and grinned at her knowingly. "You're blushing an awful lot over just some guy. Don't worry, I'll ask Bella who he is and she'll fill me in."

Alice couldn't help but laugh because she knew he was right.

"Well, I gotta go home and shower, I've been working out and I need to get cleaned up and eat my sandwiches before MY big date tonight." Jake said as he walked around the end of her cash register to give her a hug. As he closed in she could smell him, and it was rancid.

"Ew Jake, you smell like a wet dog! Don't you dare try to hug me!" She said it playfully but she wasn't kidding, he did smell awful.

He laughed loudly and winked at her as he walked out.

* * *

After work Alice drove home, thankful that it was still light outside. The leaves on the trees were changing colors and they offset the green from the pines in a beautiful fashion. She found herself being thankful that her new life was in such a stunningly gorgeous area of the country.

She walked into her apartment and immediately changed her clothes and curled up on the couch with her phone. _Ok Alice, this is it. Time to be brave._

She dialed the number and waited while holding her breath. When he didn't answer she became nervous and realized she'd have to leave him a message. The voicemail picked up and beeped.

"Hi Jasper, it's Alice.. um. I was just wondering when you'd be getting into town tonight, if you had any plans or whatever. You can call me back please, I mean if you want to. Thanks, Bye"

She rolled her eyes at herself as she hung up the phone. She figured that he was probably driving and couldn't answer his phone right away, so she decided to make dinner. It didn't look like he'd be arriving any time soon so she thought it would be a good idea to eat before he arrived or at least get the food ready. _Don't worry Alice, he'll be here soon!_

Since it was so cool and rainy outside it seemed like a day for a bowl of chili so she started browning some ground beef and onions. She threw them into a pot with tomatoes, beans and a couple of hot peppers and some seasoning and started to simmer the mixture. Cornbread was a favorite of hers so she mixed up the ingredients for that also. She was just dumping the batter for cornbread into a pan when her phone rang.

"Hello Jasper!" She sang cheerily.

"Hello Alice!" He answered. "How was your day darlin?"

"It was good." She replied "Are you on the road?" She placed the cornbread in the oven and went to stir the chili.

"Well, sort of. I'm in your driveway."

She panicked, running to her living room window to look out. "Jasper! I didn't think you'd be here this early! I mean, I didn't even know if I'd see you tonight!" She exclaimed nervously. As she talked she rushed to the mirror to check her hair and makeup.

"Well sweetheart I could always go away for a while if I'm too early for you." His drawl was thick and she could tell that he was joking.

"No! I mean, of course not. Come on up." She was putting lip gloss on when she heard her door open. She clicked her phone closed and came running out.

"Hi!" she said, almost embarrassed at the size of her grin.

"Don't I even get a hug?" He smirked at her. "I mean, I did just drive seven and a half hours to see you the least you could do is hug me."

She shyly walked over and stood on her tip toes to wrap her arms around his neck. It felt entirely too natural and it felt like was a million little sparks in every spot that their skin was touching. She went to pull away but it was clear he wasn't letting go yet so she started telling herself to relax and buried her face in his chest. She could feel him exhale and release a sigh.

"Something smells delicious… did you make us dinner?" He asked as he finally unwrapped his arms from around her.

"I did. I mean, you don't have to eat it if you want something different. We can always go somewhere. It's chili and cornbread, if you don't like it, it's ok.." She stopped rambling when she realized that he was smirking at her again.

"I've always wanted a girlfriend who could cook." He walked to the stove and lifted the lid on the chili, inhaling its spicy aroma. "And I'm from Texas Alice, of course I like chili."

She was just standing there speechless about his use of the word girlfriend. Was that a hint that he wanted HER for a girlfriend? Or was it just random use of the word? Did it mean she had a good chance of being a girlfriend candidate? Were there other candidates? Oh but her head was spinning.

"Alice?" He looked at her, concern written all over his face.

"Huh?" she looked at him blankly.

"Are you ok?" She could hear the concern in his voice but for the life of her she couldn't figure out why. Then she looked down and realized she had been shivering uncontrollably while she'd been lost in thought.

"OH! Yes! I mean, Yes, I'm fine." She tried to reassure him. "I'm just a little nervous that's all." She started setting the table for dinner, and she realized that she had never actually entertained company at her little apartment. She had cooked for Bella of course, but she had never really been much of a hostess because Bella was her family.

As she was pondering all this she realized Jasper had been staring at her intently. She flushed as she became aware of his attention. He smiled and just turned to stir the chili. _Good gravy Alice, how on earth are you going to be able to carry on some sort of relationship with a man if you can't even handle him looking at you? If he tries to be intimate you'll probably turn into a zombie._

She was shocked out of her thoughts by the oven timer ringing. She used an oven mitt as she pulled the cornbread out and grabbed a knife to slice it with. As she was doing this her eyes drifted back to Jasper and she realized that he had been dishing out chili and was now foraging through her refrigerator. "Got it!" he exclaimed victoriously as he pulled a stick of butter out.

She fought back a giggle at his enthusiasm and instead grabbed the butter dish off a shelf and handed it to him. He took it with a smile and finished up setting everything on the table.

As they sat down to eat together they talked about his classes. She was deeply interested in his studies, mainly because they were something that Jasper seemed deeply interested in. She listened intently as he told her about a paper he was finishing on the Civil War. She decided that Jasper could tell her about a boulder and for some reason it would be the most intriguing story ever.

"So you like history?" he asked hesitantly, obviously trying to decide if he had been boring her with his conversation.

"Well.." she said as she took a sip of water, "I like to learn about pretty much anything." It wasn't a lie. She did enjoy learning. "Plus, it's fun to hear you talk about it. It's obvious how fascinating it all is to you. It must be nice to be an expert about something, to have that sort of specialization."

"And you don't have anything that you are enthusiastic about? Nothing that you excel at?" She could hear the doubt in his voice.

"Not really. I'm more of a generalist. I like to learn some about everything, but there's nothing that I would say I'm an expert at." She tried to make her answer sound a little less pathetic than it was. "But I've tried to fill my new life with learning so perhaps someday I will."

"Alice I have to say that you're probably wrong. I happen to know that you're an expert at making chili. You're also incredibly talented as a writer." Something about his tone startled her, the air of confidence in it.

"But you've never read any of my stories." Alice said pointedly.

"Well, I'm assuming they must be excellent or they wouldn't be published." His words seemed honest but his expression read differently. She sensed that he wasn't being completely honest, and it stressed her some but she was determined to shake that worry off. What harm would it be if he had found a way to read her stories? In the age of internet, she was sure he could look them up online somewhere. _Besides Alice, you know that if he had some sort of historical article published you would have stalked him and found a way to read it too._

"Did you get enough to eat?" She changed the subject, the relief on his face not going unnoticed.

"Yes, definitely. It really was delicious Alice, and I should know, I've had a lot of chili in my life." His drawl, combined with the prize winning smile he flashed her, made her knees melt.

He helped her clean up the mess and joined her at the sink as she took care of the dirty dishes. For some odd reason, doing dishes wasn't nearly as much of a chore with Jasper Hale there for company.

When they finished he suggested that they go for a walk. The rain had stopped and although it was chilly it did seem like a great idea to her, particularly because the fresh air might give her the bravery she would need to finish this date… especially if he planned on kissing her.

Jasper took her hand as soon as they walked outside and together they strolled down her street. She laughed out loud when they passed a jogger, the same jogger that had made her so paranoid when she had watched him from her window.

"What's so funny?" Jasper looked at her curiously.

She hesitated, but then explained her conversation with Carlisle and how nervous it had made her.

"Well he's right, it's probably best to be cautious." He looked thoughtful. "You're probably nervous for nothing though, I mean if someone had wanted to hurt you they would have done it before they dumped you in the alley right?" Jasper had a point. If she wasn't prowling about looking for clues to her past then she'd probably have nothing to worry about.

But then there was the part of her that wanted to investigate her past. And that part knew that she could easily provoke whoever it was that knew her true identity. She shivered as she thought of the possibility.

Jasper must have felt her unease because he tightened his grip on her hand as they turned the corner and stopped in front of a huge pine tree. He grabbed her other hand and looked down at her.

"You do realize that I would never let anything bad happen to you right? I know I'm not here all the time but if at any time you decide you want to try to find out more about your past, make sure I'm with you okay?" Alice nodded her head in response. "Alice, I mean it, don't go digging around for clues by yourself. Do you understand?" There was seriousness in his face, a look of pain even. "I understand why you want to find out more but under no circumstances should you do it by yourself."

"I, um, I understand." She answered. But in truth she didn't. She was completely confused. Jasper seemed very concerned, overly concerned. Alice didn't have a lot of experience with relationships but she was fairly sure that after just a couple dates it wasn't normal to volunteer to be a girl's personal defender.

Jasper sighed and pulled her in for a hug. "I know this probably doesn't make a lot of sense to you. I just.. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you. I care about you Alice. I know that I haven't known you very long but I feel like I am supposed to be with you. It just feels… It just feels right." With that he let go and they continued their walk.

* * *

Alice was startled when she woke, but not scared. She hadn't been dreaming, which she realized was a good thing when she noticed that she had fallen asleep in Jasper's arms. He shifted on the couch when he realized she was awake.

"Hey there darlin! You didn't even catch the second half of the movie." He chuckled as he watched her rub her eyes and yawn.

"What time is it?" She asked as she squinted at the clock. They had talked over coffee after their walk and then started watching The Godfather, which Jasper claimed was a movie that everyone should watch at least once.

"It's just after midnight." He stretched his arms and sat forward in his seat. "I can go now, I know it's late and you probably have to work tomorrow."

"Oh, no I took the weekend off since you were co.." She stopped herself in midsentence. "I mean, no I don't have to work tomorrow."

Jasper grinned at her, obviously realizing what she had almost blurted out. _Great job Alice, way to play hard to get!_

"Well.. I could stay here. I mean, if you don't mind. It's rather late to be surprising the Cullens as an overnight houseguest anyway." He trailed off.

Alice jumped to her feet, and stood there gaping. _Oh I am so in over my head here, I have no idea what to do with a man! I'm not ready for this! What if he freaks out and leaves? What if I freak out and throw up right in front of him? I haven't even been naked in front of a male doctor! Oh no, Oh no, Oh no… _She felt the room start to spin around her and before she realized it she was falling.

"Alice!!!! Alice stay with me!!!" Jasper ordered, with so much authority that she felt drawn back into reality. She realized that she had almost fainted for the second time because of the man of her dreams.

"I'm here. I'm here." She faltered and felt tears start to spill over from her eyes and she cursed herself for being such a child and turned away from him, which didn't exactly work because he was basically carrying her in his arms at this point. "I'm fine."

"For heaven's sake Alice, what was that about?" Jasper scolded, clearly upset. "You scared me half to death. What happened?"

"I just don't know if I'm ready for this. I.." She cleared her throat and blurted out the rest. "I've never had sex before and I'm so sorry but I don't know if I can do this!" And the dam broke, tears flooded from her eyes as she sobbed "I'm so sorry! I thought I could be normal, I thought it would work.. I don't know what I was thinking!" She buried her face in his shirt, wishing she could be anywhere but there, mortified that she had just ruined what seemed to be so perfect.

Underneath her face she felt him exhale a deep breath, and then heard him chuckle. _Oh spectacular Alice, not only did you prove what a child you are, you gave him something to laugh about. Wonderful. Just wonderful._

"Alice look at me." Jasper said in a soothing, yet still amused voice. She couldn't bring herself to move. She felt him walk back towards the couch and sit down with her in his lap. He reached down and cupped his hand around her chin and forced her to look up. "Please open your eyes."

She took a deep, ragged breath and opened her eyes to find him looking directly into them.

"Alice Swan, I did not intend to have sex with you tonight. I happen to be much more of a gentleman than that. As attracted to you as I am, and let me assure you I am extremely attracted to you, I am fully aware that we are not on that level yet. I would never want to rush something like being intimate with you." He stroked her cheek as he spoke, his voice soothing every tear away.

"When you are ready, truly ready, then we will have sex. Until that day I will be content just spending time with you. Is that alright with you?" He gazed at her, obviously expecting a verbal reply.

"Yes Jasper. Um, thank you." Once again her conversational skills failed her, but he seemed relieved anyway and smiled a huge smile at her.

"Now that we have that straightened out, do you want me to leave or stay?" He asked while still holding her on his lap.

Alice thought about the question carefully. If he really didn't expect sex then she couldn't see any harm in it. In fact, she really didn't want to think about how lonely she'd feel without his arms around her at this point. It just felt so perfect.

"I want you to stay." Her hand ventured up to his neck and she rubbed the little scar that was shining in the light of the tv. "I want you to stay with me. I mean, if you want to."

Jasper smiled the sweetest smile that any man could possibly smile. "It would be my pleasure to spend this night with you in my arms." He let her slide off his lap. "I'm going to go down and get my bag."

Alice darted to her room, changing as quickly as she could into a tank top and pajama pants. She glanced quickly in her mirror and gasped when she saw the after effects of her crying episode. Her skin was blotchy and her eyes were puffy.

"You look beautiful, as always darlin'." Jasper's deep voice rang from the doorway to her room. He had already changed into a pair of gray sleep pants that hung dangerously low on his hips. And he was shirtless. _Oh Lord Alice, what on earth have you gotten yourself into? There's no way you're going to be able to sleep with THAT laying next to you!_

"I locked the outside door, and I turned off the tv. Is there anything I missed?" He asked cocking his head to one side as he slowly crossed the room to her. She shook her head no, mostly because she was afraid that anything that popped out of her mouth would have some reference to his tanned body. He grabbed her hand and led her to the bed, letting her pick which side she wanted first before climbing in after her.

She was so grateful that he seemed content to just lay there with her head on his shoulder in silence for a bit. For a minute she thought he must have fallen asleep but when she looked up at him she realized he was wide awake. He smiled at her and ran his fingers through her hair.

"You're so pretty, even after a mini anxiety attack. And I'm so glad that you're mine." He leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips. "You are mine right?" He seemed to think as an afterthought.

"I am yours" She said as her heart smiled inside her.


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Things get a little more touchy feely in this chapter, which I don't know about you but I've been dying to have happen! I HEART reviews so leave me one and let me know your thoughts... I need all the input I can get! **_

**_Disclaimer: Of course Twilight is not mine... *sigh*_**

_Alice sat, engulfed in tears. "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" She couldn't stop screaming it, wishing that those three little words could fix everything. She saw Jasper's face, pained and full of a sadness that she hated. She could tell her apologies weren't working. She could tell that she couldn't fix this. It was as if he didn't even hear her, as if she wasn't there. She heard another man's voice saying "I told you. I warned you not to do this, but you did it anyway. Now look what you've done."_

She sat straight up in bed as she woke gasping for air. She felt his hand on her arm before she even remembered that he was there and it startled her a bit but she was overcome with relief at the fact that it had only been a dream, and that for the time being anyway Jasper was lying in her bed completely content with being buried in pillows.

"Another dream?" He asked as he yawned.

"An awful one. An absolutely awful one." She could feel his eyes on her and she prayed that he wouldn't ask for details.

"Do you want to write it in your journal?" His question was innocent enough but just the thought of recording it seemed to mean an acceptance of its truth. She was not ready for that, she'd much rather chalk it up to pure nonsense.

"No, I don't want to write it down. This one I just want to forget." And she glanced over at him to see his arms outstretched, as if he was waiting for her to come home to them.

She laid back down, nestling her face into his chest and sighing, feeling immediately calmed by his presence. She began tracing patterns over his bare chest and stomach absentmindedly and thinking about how oddly comforting it was to have him there with her. It was as if she had waited years for him to show up and stay with her. She made a mental decision that she would do whatever she had to do to keep him. That awful dream would not come true, whatever it meant.

Alice could feel him breathing, could hear his heart beat. It all sounded so perfect. It amazed her how quickly she had transitioned from being afraid of his close proximity to needing to feel him there. She kissed him lightly, first on his chest and then up his neck. She stopped when she felt his breathing become ragged.

"Darlin, you're going to drive me mad if you keep that up." He said, his voice deep and raspy, and thick with drawl. She felt him kiss her head and stroke her hair gently.

Alice gasped. She looked up at him and even in her inexperience she knew exactly what his reaction meant. She could read it in his eyes, and although she didn't feel pressured by it she did find herself intrigued. _Oh wow Alice, he wants you… he really wants you. You turned him on!_

He hadn't exactly told her to stop, so she decided to push the topic a bit and propped herself on her elbow a bit so she could reach more of his neck. She gently kissed his throat, running her tongue lightly over the scar she had found last night. She could feel him tense up a bit but he still didn't stop her. Her lips left a trail all the way up to his ear. She kissed his ear, exhaling a bit as she did it and all of a sudden a groan escaped his lips.

"Alice!" There was something about the way he said her name, something that rocked her entire being to its core. She knew that she wasn't ready to have sex but she couldn't deny how much it excited her to watch his reaction to her touch.

"Jasper!" She answered, shocked at the purr in her own voice.

He didn't say anything else but before she knew it he had pulled her on top of him and was carefully kissing her. He wasn't really forceful; everything he did seemed restrained as if he was taking care of her. She wasn't afraid because she did trust him and she knew that he would stop whenever she asked him to, the problem was that she wasn't sure she'd know when to stop. His mouth was so warm and his tongue just gently grazed her lips and mouth as they kissed.

Her hands found his face and she could feel the scratchy beginnings of his facial hair and even that escalated her excitement. She began to kiss him more deeply than before and she barely remembered to be careful as she took his bottom lip into her mouth and nibbled on it, sucking a bit as she went. She felt him groan into her mouth and underneath her she could feel his body shift. She took it as a complement and moved her hips so she was more or less sitting on top of him.

That's when she felt it. At first she didn't realize what it was, just registering that it was part of Jasper, hard, and that it felt like it belonged there so she pressed even closer. Then the reality of exactly what IT was hit her.

Her eyes grew wide as she looked at him and how dark with lust his eyes were.

He chuckled in a husky voice and said "Whoa sweetheart, I think we need to dial it back a couple notches." He raked his fingers through his hair and let a long slow breath out. "Think I could borrow your shower? I definitely need to cool off."

She nodded shyly, feeling a combination of embarrassment at her actions and disappointment that they had to separate. She rolled off him and lay on her belly. She felt his arm wrap around here and in her ear she heard him say "It will happen. It just can't happen yet, we both know that. You're… well you're amazing."

She rolled over to look at him. "Am I?" she asked. He leaned in to kiss her one more time.

"You have no idea what you do to me." He groaned as he got up from the bed and walked awkwardly towards the bathroom.

* * *

Alice was sitting on the couch with her laptop putting the finishing touches on a story that she'd been working on, one that she was particularly happy with. It was about a young woman who escaped from an insane asylum. For some reason Alice seemed very comfortable channeling a crazy person.

"You are so cute when you're deep in thought." Jasper's voice interrupted her typing, and made her smile. He had insisted that he wanted to make breakfast; in fact by the time she'd finished showering he was already mixing pancake batter. Since he refused her help she had settled on the sofa to get a little work done, although she had to admit that having shirtless Jasper in the kitchen made it hard to focus. She found her eyes inspecting him as he moved about the kitchen, and noticing more scars on his body, across his back mostly.

"Jasper.. can I ask you where your scars came from?" Alice asked tentatively.

He looked up quickly, as if he hadn't been expecting the question. If her curiosity bothered him, he certainly didn't show it though. "Remember when I told you that I didn't always live as… legally as I do now?" Alice nodded in answer. "Well there were a few fights here and there, that's all."

His answer was so simple but her concern grew. She stood and walked to him in the kitchen, running her hands over the scars. Some of them looked as if they had been painful. "Jasper! There are a lot of scars here.. were you badly hurt?" She looked up at him with so many conflicting feelings of worry, pity, curiosity that she didn't even care if she was overreacting.

"Don't worry about me, besides it's in the past now. What's important is that I'm in a much healthier place now." Jasper's voice almost implored her to be happy, and as always it seemed to work. "Let's eat?"

She answered "Let's eat!"

After a spectacular breakfast Alice's phone rang, and when she saw that it was Bella she knew she had to answer. Bella's voice was talking at her before she even had the chance to say hello.

"Alice, Oh MY GOD! Jasper's there? I saw his car in the driveway when I got home late last night, Alice did he really stay the night???!!!!!! Alice talk to me, did you sleep with him???? I can't believe you let him stay the night!" Bella was obviously excited.

Alice decided it would be wise to just wait until Bella's rampage was complete before she answered.

"Alice are you going to answer me???" Bella finally paused.

"Bella we didn't have sex. He just stayed the night. It was late and it seemed rude for him to surprise the Cullens at such a late hour." Alice realized she was practically whispering, so she walked into the bedroom for a bit more privacy.

"Oh, so you're telling me that he'll be going to the Cullens' house tonight to stay?" Bella asked with a tone of sarcasm.

"Oh I hope not.." Alice mumbled.

"Alice! I heard that! You really didn't have sex? I wouldn't be upset if you did, I'm just a little concerned for you." Bella was trying to calm her voice, and it was evident she was restraining herself.

"Bells, we did not have sex. I promise. We're taking it slow; he even wants to take it slow. It was just nice to have someone here last night, ya know?" Alice tried not to sound as emotionally attached to him as she actually was.

"So we can come up then? Because Edward's here and we were going to come over to say hello but we didn't want to find you two entangled in some sort of love nest." Bella giggled a bit as she said it.

"Oh come on Bella, seriously! You should know me better than that!" Alice didn't even wait for a reply, instead she just clicked her phone shut.

"Jasper! Bella and Edward are coming over!" Alice called as she finished making the bed.

"Nice, I was hoping Edward would be home this weekend. Hey why don't we double date this afternoon? It looks like it's going to be sunny. Maybe we can hit the beach?" Jasper was standing in the doorway smiling at her and she found herself once again wondering if this was indeed real or if she was going to wake up soon from this incredible dream.

* * *

A few hours later Alice was wading barefoot through the foamy waves, practically dancing down the beach as Bella rambled on asking all sorts of questions about Jasper and then not giving Alice a chance to answer any of them. It didn't matter anyway, her mind was busy thinking of Jasper and shooting looks back and forth to him. He was so beautiful and she loved the fact that she kept catching him watching her. He and Edward were catching up on some stuff and she knew for sure that even though he was deep in conversation his eyes hadn't truly focused on anything but her.

"Alice! Are you even paying attention?" Bella slapped her on the arm.

"I'm sorry Bella, I'm just distracted." Alice smirked at her.

"Alice, just please tell me that you're ok, that you're watching out for yourself?" Concern dripped from Bella's voice.

Alice stopped twirling around in the surf long enough to stand on her tiptoes and wrap her arms around her best friend. "Bella, trust me. I know that this is a big jump for me. I'm not even sure I'm ready for it. But I can't be myself forever and it feels so good to have someone, to be with someone. Jasper is so sweet, he's so patient with me and I really think that I need to try and make this work with him."

She sighed a bit as she pulled away and smiled at Bella.

"Besides, it's time for me to get a life. I've been through so much and survived, I must be strong enough to handle this."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hello! This chapter will be a glimpse inside the mind of Jasper, and hopefully provide a few answers, or maybe just create a few more questions, lol!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Boo hoo.**

**Jasper POV**

_She is so beautiful. She's beyond beautiful, and she's not at all like the girl that I remember. It's as if she's a completely different person, so pure and so loving. I guess that proves that environmental conditions and learned behaviors account for a lot of a person's personality. Look at her dancing in the waves as if she's never experienced a pain any deeper than a paper cut. It almost makes me wonder why I can't just leave her alone. What if my presence brings back some sort of pain, some sort of memories? She's obviously forgotten the misery that she's experienced. I don't want to be the one to make her remember… but I don't know if I could live without her now._

"Jazz are you even listening to me man?" Edward's voice was impatient yet amused at the same time.

"I'm trying dude but it's rather hard considering there's an absolute angel in our presence. She's incredible." Jasper's grin was playful but there was intensity to his words that hinted to his more emotional thoughts.

"Seriously Jasper, I'm starting to think you're falling a little fast for her. She's a spectacular girl but you two barely know each other and she has a rough history." Edward hesitated. "She will require a bit of care in order to make things work with her."

It was all Jasper could do to keep from bursting out laughing at Edward's adoptive concern. _You have no idea what she's been through, no idea what she's capable of even. She doesn't even know it._

"Relax Ed, we're not going to move too quickly, it's just that she seems like home for me. She seems right. I want everything to work and I will certainly be careful with her. She's shared with me about her past, or the mystery behind it and I understand that she's fragile. I know it's early but she already means a lot to me." Jasper made his tone as reassuring as possible.

_I only hope she doesn't break my heart again._

* * *

Dinner had been delicious and it had seemed so normal to be on a double date. Jasper liked Bella a lot and Edward was like a brother to him. Even in the years when they lived on opposite sides of the country they had always remained close. And having Alice as a date was just spectacular. Could life really be this normal? Could they seriously be a happy couple, building a life together?

Edward and Bella said goodbye after dinner, having plans to meet Ed's parents to work on a guest list for the wedding. They had ages to prepare but knowing Esme, she had everything on a schedule. Jasper didn't mind because it left him by himself with Alice.

"What are you thinking?" Her voice drifted into his thoughts.

"Oh nothing really. Just about how unreal all this still is to me." His answer was honest. He was overwhelmed by how well it was going.

She sighed and burrowed her head closer into his shoulder. He could smell her and it was intoxicatingly delicious. Like some sort of vanilla citrus mixture. _She doesn't even smell the same. She smells even better than I could have ever remembered. I hope this is real, I hope that this is the person she is now. Lord, please make this real._

"Alice I never thought that I could have… this. I never thought I'd have someone like you." He could feel his voice get ragged and hoped that he didn't scare her away with his sudden emotion. She pulled away slightly and smiled at him.

"I never thought I'd have anyone, especially not anyone like you." Her eyes danced with joy as she looked at him. "You affect me deeply Jasper, in case you hadn't already noticed that. I can't speak, I can't think straight… I can't even seem to stay conscious around you."

He chuckled as he thought about the last week and her behavior. Even that was different than he had ever thought it would be. She had always been so dominant.

"Jasper…" her voice became tentative and cautious. It startled him. "Have you had many relationships?"

And there it was. The question about his romantic history.

_How do I handle this? Do I just dance around it? She's perceptive; she'll know I'm dishonest if I try to lie. Damn it, there's no easy way to deal with this._

"I've had a couple. They didn't end well." There. That was the truth at least.

Alice's hand rubbed his arm. In her eyes he could see concern and a little bit of fear. "Why not?"

Jasper shifted a little so he could rake his fingers through her hair as he answered, feeling the need to make contact with her. "Well, the first girl I ever loved was during the time in my life where I wasn't good enough to love anyone. I did things that were… reckless and she ended up hating me. It broke my heart and I didn't try another relationship for some time."

"Mmm… how long is some time?" She asked. Her eyes were sleepy but he could tell she was paying close attention to his answers.

"A couple of years." He said simply, hoping she'd just accept his answer. She didn't.

"Years?? Jasper you didn't even try to date anyone for years?" She sat up a little as if entirely shocked.

"Well, there was a short period of time after I was arrested, where I was in jail for a bit. And after that I wanted to work on changing my life before I tried to be involved with anyone else." He exhaled. "Then I dated some in college and there were a couple of girls here and there, but nobody special."

"Oh. I wonder if I've ever dated anyone. I don't think I have, or it seems like I wouldn't be so nervous around you." Jasper chuckled a little when he realized she was blushing even as she said this.

She snuggled back in with him and sighed in contentment. He was relieved. He did not want her to dig any deeper and he hoped she would just fall fast asleep in his arms. Of course that was wishful thinking.

"One more question?" Alice's inquisitive voice asked.

"Anything darlin'"

"That girl, the one who broke your heart? Was she your… first?" She blurted it out but her voice sounded pained as she said it.

"Yes, she was my first. But in fairness, I broke just as much of her heart." Jasper could feel the disagreement in Alice's body as she looked up at him.

"I don't know her. But I have a feeling that wherever she is right now, she doesn't have the same recollection of the situation. Nobody could hurt you and justify it by anything you had done. You're too good Jasper, and you're probably being too hard on yourself." He could see she was being honest but it just made his heart ache knowing that she couldn't be more wrong.

"Well, that's all in the past now anyway, and you of all people should know that a person's past only holds as much merit as what the person assigns to it. I'm a different person now and I'm extremely happy with where I am right now, and who I'm with right now." His voice was deep with emotion and he squeezed her close to him.

"You're so right." She took a deep breath and he could tell she was summoning the courage to ask him one more question, and he truly hoped it would be an easier one to answer. "Jasper, are you my boyfriend? It seems like such a trivial way to refer to someone, but I don't have the experience to gauge what we are, or define our relationship on my own without using juvenile terms. And I don't know how else to ask you, I know it's just stupid because you're obviously not a boy, oh heavens that's obvious. I mean, er I mean you're a man not a boy and I th"

"Alice! Yes. I am honored to be your boyfriend." Jasper cut off her babbling mostly to put her out of her own misery because he was afraid if she panicked she'd pass out, although he did find it amusing. He stroked her cheek soothingly. "And I consider you so much more than my girlfriend."

She smiled at him and he could almost see glints of happy tears in her eyes. She snuggled back into him and he listened to her breathe for the next few hours before he fell asleep himself.

_This was no accident that I found her. It's fate. She's too happy now, I just can't screw this up. I have to live this life with her, and make sure that she never knows what she's been through. She wouldn't be able to forgive me, and she certainly wouldn't be able to forgive herself. Let her have the wonder of how perfect her first life could have been. Don't confirm the horrible reality to her. I can do this. I can take care of her, and we can be normal. I can keep her safe. _


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks so much for being patient with me, I know this chapter took a while to happen. I hope you like it, and if you do then review... pretty please? Pretty please???**

**For those who enjoyed the Jasper chapter, I'm glad you liked it. I know it left a bit hanging but it felt like the best way to reveal that Jasper did indeed know Alice... but don't feel entirely betrayed by him. He has her best interest in mind and he wasn't entirely lying, just trying to protect her.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight characters and references belong to Stephanie Meyers and I am not Stephanie Meyers. **

_The darkness is consuming and although she can't see them she knows they are there. There are children, a boy and a girl and they are crying but Alice can't get to them. She hears them screaming but she can't seem to move. Their cries for help are agonizing and at one point she hears them call out her name._

Alice sat straight up with a start. She knew immediately that she was alone because the bed seemed so empty and cold. She rubbed her eyes and groaned out loud when she realized that she was awake hours before her alarm was scheduled to go off.

As she crashed back into her pillow she closed her eyes and recalled what a spectacular weekend she had just experienced. Jasper had stayed until Sunday afternoon and most of the day they had spent in each other's arms dreading his departure.

Jasper had made her feel like such a princess. She was completely floored by his southern charm and his manners. It was like he was from another time, a time when women were meant to be cherished. She couldn't imagine how he was still single.

Last night she had eaten a whole quart of Ben and Jerry's ice cream while cuddled up in her most comfortable pajamas and a good book. It was all she could do to distract herself after the teary eyed mess that she'd been when she had to say goodbye to him.

_Wow Alice, he must think you're just a basket case considering how emotional you are around him. Although he did seem sad to leave._

When it became obvious that Alice was not going to be able to fall asleep again she finally stumbled into the bathroom for a nice hot shower. Once she had added some caffeine and scrambled eggs to her day things started to look up.

The day improved even more when as she was climbing into her truck to drive to work her cell rang and even though she didn't recognize the number she answered it anyway.

"Hello?" As she said it she realized that her voice sounded entirely too cheery for such an early hour.

"Hey there pretty lady! You sound fairly happy this morning." Jasper's drawl was tired and she could tell that his long drive had caught up with him.

"Well it's easy to sound happy when you've just spent the weekend with the sweetest man in the world." Alice started her truck and backed out of her driveway with her phone in one hand and her coffee in the other. "What's this number that you're calling me from?"

"It's my roommate's phone, I forgot to plug mine in last night and the battery is dead. Alice, please don't get into a car accident while you're on the phone with me!" He had obviously heard her truck running, which wasn't surprising considering what a rattle trap it was.

"Oh Jazz, this is Forks I'll be lucky to see one other car on the road let alone crash into one." She took a gulp of her coffee and then looked up just in time to see Charlie sitting in his squad car in front of the police station. He shook his finger at her and she just flashed him a big smile and waved. "On second thought I really don't want my adoptive father to ticket me either so maybe I better get off the phone."

"It's ok darlin' I didn't want to keep you anyway, I was just calling so that I could start my day with your voice." Jasper's smile was heard clear as could be through the phone. "Hey Alice?"

"Yes?"

"I love it when you call me Jazz… I'll talk to you later."

"Bye!"

* * *

Alice felt like she spent her entire shift dancing. She danced from the break room to her register. She danced and twirled while waiting on people. She sang to herself while she clocked out. It was as if her entire shift was spent dancing.

As she walked out to her truck she heard footsteps behind her and her head swiveled around to see who was trying to catch up to her. She was face to face with Jacob Black and he had a grin that was immeasurable.

"Hey Alice!" Jake said with a smirk.

"Hey yourself… what do you look so thrilled about?" Alice was suspicious but she couldn't help but smile back.

"Well it just so happens that Bella was chatting with me last night and I had the perfect opportunity to ask her about your new boyfriend." His grin was not getting any smaller.

"So you know that I'm seeing Jasper Hale. Why does that make you so giddy?" Alice still didn't understand.

"Well I just didn't know that you were a cowgirl that's all." They had reached her truck and as he spoke he leaned against the front fender. "In fact I always thought you were more of a driver, not a rider." She couldn't help but notice that he winked as he said it.

"I'm sorry what? What do you mean cowgirl?" Confusion was evident in her voice.

"Well Jasper, he likes to ride. You didn't know?" Jake's voice sounded even more amused.

"As in horses?" She squeaked.

"Yeah, of course. You didn't know did you? Wow well that makes this even more fun. I was going to pick on you about how funny you must look on a horse but now I get to watch you get all nervous at the idea of him asking you to ride with him." His grin was a mile wide.

It did make sense. Jasper was from Texas. He wore cowboy boots. Of course he would like to ride horses. Of Course.

"Oh my word. What am I going to do Jake, I can NOT get on a horse." She grabbed him by the arm attempting to shake him to death in emphasis. If he hadn't been so extremely muscle bound it might have worked but the kid was built like a brick house.

Jake laughed out loud. "Well you could tell him no. Or you could let him teach you to ride."

"I can't do that. I'd be mortified. I'd probably fall right off the horse. I can barely talk to him without fainting…" Alice was wringing her hands as she spoke. This drew another chuckle from Jacob.

"Well… Harry Clearwater has some horses that I ride occasionally. That's how I know that Jasper rides, Edward's brought him out to Harry's place to ride before. You could come out to the reservation some time and give it a try." Jake looked thoughtful. "You'd have to dress appropriately though, no high heels or skirts."

"I'm not a moron Jake!" She admonished him. "Would you really teach me? That would be spectacular because then it would give me something in common with him. With my lack of memory it's hard for me to come up with common ground for us sometimes."

"I guess I could try to teach you. I'm no expert myself but I've done it enough to show you the basics and maybe keep you from being scared the first time you go with your boyfriend. Give me a call one of these days and we'll make a day of it." Jake laughed again. "It's hard to believe that someone as graceful as you would be bad at riding though. You seem to have pretty good balance."

"Thanks but I've figured out that I can't function as a normal human being around this guy. He does strange things to me…" Alice stopped talking when she realized that Jake was laughing at her again. "Ok smarty pants, this conversation ends here. I'll call you soon ok?"

He nodded and gave her a big hug before heading into the store.

* * *

When she got home she started to throw some dinner together when her cell phone rang and again it wasn't a number she recognized. She was excited to answer thinking that it was probably Jasper again.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this Alice Smith, or excuse me Alice Swan?" a feminine voice on the other end asked.

"Yes, this is she.."

"Miss Swan this is Betsy Donlon from Paraquin Publishing and I'm calling in response to the last story that you submitted via email to us over the weekend." Her voice did not sound pleasant.

"Yes, I'm sorry is there a problem with the story?" Alice asked with concern in her voice.

"Well Miss Swan let me first say that we take plagiarism very seriously here at Paraquin. When we reviewed your story this morning our editing staff was immediately struck by how familiar the storyline was. When we ran it through our plagiarism software it became apparent that you were not the author of this story." Betsy paused to take a breath. "Honestly Miss Swan we were a little insulted that you would send us a stolen story. It was obviously you copied it word for word. What do you have to say for yourself?"

By this point Alice was physically shaking. _What is she talking about? That can't be! I wrote that story just last week! I wrote it myself!!!!_

"I'm sorry Ms Donlon but there must be some misunderstanding. Perhaps I sent you the wrong file by mistake but I would never plagiarize!" Alice was sure that her voice sounded frantic but she couldn't calm it down.

"We took the time this afternoon to review again all of your other stories so we are aware that all of your other work has been original." Betsy's voice softened a bit. "We'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt here Miss Swan, especially since you've always been one of our favorite authors in the freelance division. It would be possible for us to disregard this submission if you can promise me that this will never be a problem again. I'd hate to see you ruin such a promising career."

Alice took a deep breath. "Yes please disregard it. I will research how a story that was not my own was attached to that email as I'm sure it was just a technical error on my part." She hesitated. "Could you tell me who the author of the story was? It could help me find the file and eliminate it from my computer so I never have this misunderstanding again."

"Why certainly. It was written by Jane Volturi and we at Paraquin published it just a few years ago." Betsy obviously was certain of her facts. It didn't make Alice feel any better about herself.

"Thank you very much Ms. Donlon, I'll be sure to look into this problem and I assure you nothing like this will ever happen again." Alice tried to sound confident in her words.

"Please see to it that it doesn't." And Betsy had hung up.

Alice had immediately called Jasper but he didn't answer. And she called him again. And he didn't answer again. So she moved on to Bella, leaving a very frantic voicemail.

Jasper was the first one to call back and she was so grateful. She told him all that had occurred and he soothed her with his words.

Jasper had brought up the simple idea that she may have read this story previously and just not truly remembered it as that so it seemed like original thought when she had been writing it. He told her that he was sure that it was all going to be fine. And she knew it was.

By the time she had hung up the phone with him she felt much better about herself.

Then the phone rang again and Bella unraveled the sanity that Jasper had just tied back together.

"Alice this is a huge clue!" Bella's voice was breathless with excitement.

"Clue?"

"It's a clue to your previous life! You need to find out more about this author that you supposedly copied. You need to figure out why you don't remember reading this story. You remember all the other stories you've ever read right?" Bella had a point.

"Yes. I do. I don't remember actually reading them but when I think of a story I can recall reading it." The wheels began to turn. "Why wouldn't I have remembered this? You're so right Bells, it definitely is strange."

"Maybe there's something that was going on in your life at the time when you read it… something that would make you block it out, but still allow you to remember it subliminally." Bella paused. "But it's obviously an important clue because you wouldn't have remembered it word for word right?"

"Yeah. Yes I think you're on to something. So what should I do about it?" Alice's head was beginning to hurt.

"I would put google to work for you and see what information you can find online about the author, when it was published, if there are a lot of colleges who studied that publication… you know, that sort of thing." Bella sounded distracted and Alice could hear Edward murmuring something in the background. "Alice I have to go but please promise me you'll keep me posted when you find anything out okay?"

"Ok Bells, love ya…" And with that Alice hung up.

She sat down with her laptop and clicked open her search engine. Only this time she wasn't searching her own name, she was searching someone else's.

She found pages of information about Jane Volturi. There was a picture of her which looked slightly familiar so it could have been possible that she had seen her picture on a book jacket at some point. She found titles of all sorts of stories written by her. She printed a list of titles for future reference. She found a little biography about her in an outdated college newspaper; it was obvious that Jane was a college professor. Then she found something she wasn't expecting. She found Jane Volturi's obituary in an online newspaper

Coincidentally it was dated 2 days prior to the day that Charlie had found Alice in the alley.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: We're starting to get into the meat of the story now so I really hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight do not belong to me.**

The library was freezing on Tuesday morning and Alice was grateful for her hot cup of coffee that she held onto like it was her lifeline. She had barely slept at all the night before, which was both a blessing and a curse because while she hadn't had a single dream to speak of she instead lay awake contemplating all the crazy scenarios that could have connected herself and Jane Volturi. She pictured the woman's face and her cold features and it was all she could do not to shudder at her vague recollection.

She was deep in thought when the librarian came back with the list that Alice had handed her. She looked a little annoyed, probably wondering what Alice's obsession was with this fairly unknown author but she had done her job well and had scrawled locations to most of the stories, with just a few left unfound.

As Alice wandered through the periodical section her hands shook as she paused to pull a literary magazine from the shelf. She had no idea where this was going to lead her, if anywhere and she would have been lying to herself if she pretended not to be nervous. Her fear was mostly based not in what she might find but how it might alter her life. Her thoughts kept drifting back to Carlisle's worry that she might not be ready to face her past and Jasper's insistence that she shouldn't face it alone.

She hadn't called Jasper this morning. She had a feeling that she should have but another part of her thought that she should do this, at least this tiny amount of research by herself so instead she had texted him a simple good morning wishing him a wonderful day. She tried not to feel guilty about her avoidance and kept telling herself that she could and should do this on her own.

_I mean come on Alice, what would he be able to do besides hold your hand while you read… and on top of that would you even be able to focus if his beautiful body was sitting next to you?_

After she collected a pile of periodicals and then a few recent short story collections she found a big comfy chair to settle into and started reading. She recognized the first story immediately and she knew the progression of the story and how it ended without even having to finish reading, although she did because she wanted to be sure of it.

Then she moved on to the rest of the stories. They all produced the same result, and she found herself speaking some of the more powerful lines to herself before she even reached them on the page. She knew every single story; she had obviously read each one of them already. In fact, she had not only read them but it seemed that she knew them well as if she had studied them.

_Wait Alice! Maybe you HAVE studied them! What if you were in a class where they were taught?! But how many classes would have studied every single story of a no-name author? That seems completely unlikely._

As she sat in her chair she realized that it was late afternoon already and she hadn't even eaten yet and was beginning to feel the effects of the caffeine on her empty stomach. She dumped all the literature on the return rack and waved cheerily to the grumpy librarian as she headed out the door.

She was feeling a little shaky from her lack of sleep as she crossed the street to her truck and for a brief second wondered if she was going to be okay to drive, which prompted her to instead duck into the Forks Diner instead of heading home. She grabbed a booth and tried to relax a bit while the waitress took her order.

As she waited for her food she pulled a notebook out of her bag and started taking notes on everything that she was sure of, and then all of the possibilities of how she was connected to Jane's stories that had been running through her brain. By the time she completed her list her food had arrived and she attacked her grilled cheese sandwich with an appetite that could rival that of a two-hundred pound trucker.

She started crossing scenarios off her list as her head became clearer. Some of them were obviously grasping at straws and it seemed best to eliminate the ideas that were most unlikely. For example she was pretty sure that she had not been a personal stalker of Jane Volturi's, nor had she been her girlfriend. Unfortunately even after eliminating a chunk of the stranger ideas, most of those that remained were disturbing to say the least.

_Could she have been a relative? She didn't look old enough to be my mother, and there was no noticeable resemblance… Perhaps she was just a close friend? And her death had put me in so much pain and distress that it caused my memory loss? It seems unlikely considering the fact that I was obviously dropped in that alley by someone. Could I have been her student?...._

This thought made Alice jump to attention. Why hadn't she thought of that before? A professor would obviously teach some of their own material on occasion and even if they didn't an attentive student would read the works of their professor if only as an attempt for brownie points.

This alternative made the most sense out of all of them. Alice threw some cash on the table as she ran out of the diner, impatient to get home and return to her research.

* * *

Lying across her bed she pulled up the link to the school newspaper that had featured the biography on Professor Volturi and started reading intently. The college was Washington State University and after browsing the WSU website she learned that it was in Pullman which was only eight hours from Forks. She spent a few minutes checking out some pictures from the site but realized that nothing about the campus looked overwhelming familiar. She found a campus phone directory and a number for the admissions office and picked up her phone to dial but then she stopped herself when she realized that this was going to lead her nowhere.

_Alice you don't even know your real name… what are you going to do? Ask if anyone remembers a thin, petite girl with amber eyes and black hair? _

She sighed out loud feeling incredibly stupid and disappointed. Just then her cell phone rang and as she looked at the caller ID a wave of guilt washed over her. She took a deep breath and answered the phone.

"Hi Jasper…"

"Hello Alice…" His drawl was thick and he sounded thrilled to hear her voice. "How was your day darlin'?"

"Um, it was okay." Her mind raced as she tried to decide how much she should share with him about her research.

"Okay? Well that's detailed. So how did you spend your day off?" Jasper's voice sounded amused at her lack of words.

She took a deep breath and knew she at least had to explain a little or else the guilt of lying would kill her.

"I went to the library!" She blurted out. "I went to the library and read a bunch of stories by Jane Volturi."

There was a few seconds of silence on the other end.

"And?... Did you enjoy them?" Jasper sounded curious but was being careful of his words.

"I did, and I have read them before." Alice didn't know why but she didn't want to tell him how suspicious she was about this woman and her writing, so she was quick to keep the topic light. "It was probably a good thing because I'd hate to turn in another story that seemed like hers. A writer can only be accused of plagiarism so many times, even if her plagiarism is accidental."

She hoped that he wouldn't notice the slight edge in her voice, and if Jasper did then he didn't let on.

"Well that was a good idea then, I'm glad you took the time to read them." He said in a tone that she could have sworn was one of relief.

"So how was your day?" She quickly changed the subject.

"It was decent. One of my recruits signed a letter of intent this morning so in order to celebrate I went to the local watering hole after class with the other coaches and had a few beers." Jasper bragged. "He's a really good recruit and I thought for sure we had lost him to another school. Apparently my efforts paid off after all."

The few beers had obviously contributed to his thick drawl and now Alice was less paranoid about whether or not he'd be able to read her anxiety through the phone.

"Oh Jazz, I'm so happy for you, and the team too!" She giggled as she said it because they'd had such opposite days.

"Thanks darling… Hey you know I miss you right?" His voice was raspy and she could almost picture him reclined in his chair with his feet up, just waiting for her to climb in his lap. She really wanted to ask him if he had a shirt on but she figured that was definitely not something that would sound right coming out of her mouth so she refrained.

"I miss you too Jasper. A lot." She was breathless at the level of emotion she felt when she talked to him. The butterflies in her stomach were doing a dance to the beat of her racing heart as she listened to him take a deep breath and sigh.

"This long distance relationship is starting to wear on me Alice, are you sure you can't just come stay in my room for the next few months and be at my beck and call? I promise I'll feed you and let you get dressed at least once in a while…" She could tell he was smirking but just the idea of it was making her knees weak and her insides melt.

"Don't tempt me…" She whispered, not even realizing she had said it out loud until she heard him chuckle.

"Babe I think it's a good thing you're not here right now because one look at that beautiful blushing face of yours and I might just drop my drawers and beg." Jasper's words were followed by a groan.

She was tossed up between being amused at his slightly drunken boldness and being over taken by the aching she was feeling between her legs.

"Jazz…" She murmured. "When can I touch you, I mean see you again?"

"Alice say the word and I'll drive there right now." He sounded serious and the idea of it startled her.

"Jasper! Don't you dare drive right now!" She was shocked at how boldly her scolding came out.

Jasper, however, was not shocked. He was amused instead.

"Darlin' I know better than to drive right now. I'm settled in for the night and the only thing that could even get me to get up from this bed would be for me to hear your knock on my door… and since that's not going to happen I'm just going to lay here and wish your body was on top of mine." Jasper was almost growling out of frustration and his feelings were not lost on her.

She suddenly knew that she had to get off the phone with him or else she was going to end up with a very awkward situation involving her talking dirty to him. There's no way that would end well because Alice couldn't even BE dirty with confidence let alone TALK dirty. Instead she just decided to say goodnight.

"Jazz, I want you too, I really do." She paused when she heard him sigh. "But I think we should go to sleep and finish this in person rather than on the phone. I miss you…"

"I miss you too darlin'. I'll call you tomorrow if that's okay?"

_Like he even has to ask._

"That's more than okay, that's perfect." She hung up the phone and groaned in frustration as she buried her face into the pillow.

**If you like it, please review!!!!! (Or even if you don't like it I suppose you can review too ;-)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: This story hasn't been updated in a long time.. too long. It's not because I lost interest. I just lost time. Hopefully now that I've resumed I can stay on track.. and to anyone who's still reading: Thank you! And to anyone who gave up on this story: I'm sorry! **

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight. I wish I did. Wouldn't it be fab to sell books like that?**

**APOV**

_It was indescribably quiet. The kind of quiet that makes it obvious that you_ a_ren't alone. She could hear herself breathing. Then it occurred to her that if she could hear herself breathing, perhaps they could to. They were definitely there. She took a breath and held it. Her heart beat was deafening, but even as the blood coursed roughly through her veins she didn't miss the click of heels heading towards her. She was filled with dread, and sorrow, and a vaguely noticeable sense of anger. _

Alice woke up, but not with a start this time. Her alarm had gone off and as she rolled towards the clock and slapped at the snooze button she sleepily wondered at the melancholy disposition of the dream and of the mystery author, Jane Volturi. She realized that what she really needed was coffee. Her shift was short but early, six o'clock to ten o'clock.

After she was caffeinated, showered, dressed for work she realized that this new clue to her past was going to drive her crazy until she investigated the situation. _Today's Wednesday. I could drive there. I could go there straight from work, and nobody would know. I wouldn't even have to tell Jasper. In fact, I could use Jasper as an excuse, and surprise him with a visit, staying with him afterwards. _Her mind reeled with possibilities.

It was true though, she could easily pull it off with barely having to lie to anyone. She quickly ran to her room and dragged a big duffle bag out of the closet. She'd have to pack well, who knows what she'd end up needing to stay at Jasper's. Four different outfits, 3 pairs of shoes, a bag of makeup and coordinating underwear sets later she was fully packed. On her way out the door she grabbed her backpack with her laptop, notebook, camera and jacket, locking up behind her.

After she threw her belongings in the truck she realized that Charlie would probably be very concerned when he realized she wasn't home all night. As a courtesy she left a note on his kitchen table letting him know that she was going to Jasper's for a visit, and not to be worried.

The clock ticked away at an agonizingly slow pace until Alice's shift finally ended, after which she made a mad dash to the bathroom to change her clothes. She had put together an ensemble that she felt would help her blend in as a student, which she didn't think would be too difficult. Simple would be best. Jeans, boots, tunic top, jacket and off she went.

The drive there started out strong, but then the longer she drove the more she started to second guess herself. _What exactly are you going to do here Alice, just wander around asking people if they recognize you? Maybe this is a bad idea after all. Maybe I should just turn around. What if they are right and it is dangerous? But I'll die of curiosity. I'm sure I can't keep myself away for ever and there's no time like the present. Maybe I'll just look around for a bit and see if anything looks familiar._

The trip itself passed fairly quickly, or as quickly as an eight hour trip in a rickety old truck could pass. She stopped only briefly to use a bathroom here and there, and to gas up. By the time she rolled into Pullman it was just about six o'clock.

Alice followed the Washington State University signs and once she was on campus she stopped at the visitor center for a map. She thought about looking for a WSU sweatshirt to blend in but she just couldn't stand the thought of spending eighty dollars on a sweatshirt that she'd never wear again. She settled in the visitor parking lot and took a few moments to study the map before she ventured out.

She was starting to be a little more paranoid that someone would recognize her, especially someone unfriendly. Fortunately for her it started to drizzle as she was stepping out of her truck so she grabbed an umbrella from behind the seat and started on her walk. The umbrella would definitely make her less obvious.

She tried to walk at a brisk pace, but still take in the scenery. The buildings were huge and intimidating brick structures, but none really struck a chord. As she was walking along she couldn't help but notice the gorgeous landscaping, foliage and architecture. At one point she stopped and pulled her camera out of her backpack and snapped a couple pictures, with the intent of closely analyzing them later. As she was sliding her camera back in the bag she heard a voice say "You must be Shannon!" quite loudly. She ignored it but her heart started racing wildly. _Am I Shannon? Wait that makes no sense, why would he say "you must be" instead of just "hi Shannon"? _

"Shannon? Hi! Are you my last tour for the day?" A pimply faced but smiley young man with a nametag that read Dave approached her with his hand extended. "Hi, I'm Dave from Admissions… are you Shannon? I thought you had cancelled but I'm still good for one more quick tour if you're up for it!"

Alice recovered from her confusion quickly. "Um, yes, I'd love a tour. How did you know who I was?"

"Lucky guess. The other tour guide said that the only prospective student left was a pretty girl named Shannon. When I saw you taking pictures outside of the office I figured you were a safe bet" He giggled nervously. _Nice kid_, she thought.

Dave led her down through the campus square and started pointing out different buildings, telling her which classes were in which buildings. He was a very helpful sort. She tried to ask him questions regularly even though she was really making no progress on her mission. He was staying true to his task, and she couldn't help but think that she should try to ask him about Jane Volturi after he pointed out the English Studies building. She decided her safest route would be to flirt her way into knowledge.

"English studies! That's actually what I'm interested in, can we go in?" She asked with her sweetest smile.

He cocked his head to the side. "Huh. Funny, your file said you were going to major in math.. did they make a mistake?"

"Oh, I change my mind a lot." She giggled in an attempt to act air headed.

"Well the file was marked as a math tour, I don't really know a lot about the English program. If you wanted to stick with math then I'd be your guy!" He seemed cheerful but slightly disappointed. "Maybe I could take you back and we'll see if someone else can show you around, I know Tanya gives English Department tours…"

_Crud. A girl would ask too many questions. Well time to distract him._

"Oh!" She pretended to trip over a crack in the sidewalk, dropping her bag on the ground and stumbling forward into him. As he caught her arm to steady her she looked up at him through her eyelashes and mumbled "Sorry about that." She could tell he didn't really mind.

"Are you alright? You scared me there for a minute."

"I'm fine," she answered "Just embarrassed. Could you hold this?"

She handed him the umbrella so that she could bend over and pick her bag up, purposely aiming her backside towards him. If he noticed he didn't show it, so she decided she'd better lay it on a little thicker. Standing back up she leaned in, ducking under the umbrella with him.

"I'd really like to keep you as a guide; can't we just take a walk through the building? I promise I won't ask any complicated questions that you don't know the answer to." She pouted a little and she could see that he was going to give in. The kid didn't look like he spent very much time with girls and here he was taking a walk at dusk, sharing an umbrella with one. He wasn't going to pass on the opportunity to extend his time with her. She almost felt guilty about taking advantage of him.

"Okay, we can walk through." He said breathlessly.

As they entered the big brick building she smelled something familiar. At first she was hopeful but then she realized it was just the smell of books. The whole place smelled like a library. They wandered a little and they came to the wing that housed the professors' offices. She knew she had to ask.

"I've heard about a Professor Volturi that teaches here; she's supposed to be really awesome." She waited, holding her breath.

"Oh, Dr. Volturi isn't here anymore." He answered casually.

_Dig deeper Alice, dig deeper._

"Oh! But I really wanted to take one of her classes! She was one of the reasons I wanted to come here… Where is she teaching now?" She kept walking, looking at the nametags on the doors, but listening with anticipation.

"She actually died. I don't know a lot of the details but I know there was a fire and both she and her husband were killed in it. Sounded awful." He looked at her curiously. "How did you hear about her?"

"In high school I read one of her short stories and it just really moved me." Alice kept looking around for something familiar but nothing came. "Who took over her classes?"

"Dr. Smith, in fact that's his office right there." He pointed to an open door. Alice could see inside and she couldn't see a thing about the room that looked familiar. "So you read her work? I've heard a lot of it is tragic stuff."

She glanced at him quickly, a little startled by the idea of it being tragic. "I guess I've never really thought about it like that. What was her husband's name, do you know?"

"I do. Her husband was a politician or lawyer or something. Aro Volturi. He was… well I only saw him once and that was enough. He was just intimidating." He was slowly guiding her back to the front doors as he spoke. "Hey, the tour's almost done except for the Beaseley Performing Arts Coliseum… I was thinking after that maybe we could grab a sandwich in the cafeteria."

Alice considered it briefly before nodding her head yes. She figured she had to eat something anyway.. it might as well be cafeteria food. It couldn't hurt anything.

As they walked down through towards the huge geometrically imposing building that Dave indicated was the Performing Arts Center, Alice couldn't help but wonder what she was missing out by being a normal college student. Everyone looked so carefree and educated. And well dressed. There were many whose outfits were very impressive.

Dave led up the steps to a large set of glass doors. Alice paused briefly and ran her fingers through her hair absent mindedly. "It's huge. This isn't a building. It's a stadium."

A smile lit up Dave's face and she could hear the pride in his voice as he answered. "Yeah, it's huge. We have major events here, concerts and stuff. The arena area can be sectioned off to accommodate different events." All of a sudden he must have realized that he wasn't truly impressing her. He started walking down a hallway and kept talking. "Are you more of a traditional arts person? Because we have smaller auditorium spaces too. The performing arts programs are impressive for sure. The professor's offices are always working on different programs, concerts, plays… See like this smaller auditorium is used by an improv group that performs monthly."

Alice could see through the windows that there was a fairly small auditorium with raised seating and a nice stage. There was a group of young people, some actually performing and others watching from the seats. The room looked… and then all of a sudden she realized why. It looked like the auditorium in one of her nightmares. She couldn't be sure though. _Don't all auditoriums look alike? I mean how much could they possibly vary?_

"Shannon, are you coming?" Dave was whispering, holding the door open for her. He expected her to sneak in with him, and she didn't want to argue so she slipped in the door and into a seat with him towards the back. The students were performing comedy skits and while she could tell that Dave was impressed, she was busy soaking in her surroundings.

_It feels right. It just feels like the same place. Maybe it's just my imagination getting the best of me, but it definitely feels the same. I wish I could find or see something specific that would help me to be sure, but it's all so generic. Everything here could be in any other auditorium around the country. _

"Wasn't that hilarious?" Dave whispered. It startled her a little to realize how close he'd been. "You aren't paying attention at all are you? Are you okay? You don't look so good. I mean, you _look_ fantastic, but you don't look like you feel well. Let's go get you a sandwich or something."

He stood quietly and she followed him, but stubbed her toe on the seat frame at the edge of the aisle and gasped a little at the pain. When she gathered herself she realized that the people who weren't performing had turned to look at her. She smiled and mouthed "sorry" before quickly ducking out the door.

As they walked out onto the steps she took a deep breath of fresh air and tried to relax. She was probably overreacting thinking that it was the same room. She realized Dave was looking at her with concern and she tried to smile weakly. Just when they were about to start across the sidewalk she saw a young man walking toward her. She couldn't have recalled what he himself looked like because it was the sweatshirt that he was wearing that grabbed her attention and took her breath away. It was a cougar. A bright red cougar. _That's it. It's the cougar from the dream. I had thought it was just metaphorical, but it's real._

She started to shake a little. "What's that?" she asked Dave in a panicked voice. "That symbol, what is that?"

"Oh that's our mascot, we're the WSU cougars. I'm shocked you're just noticing it, it's on all the recruitment brochures and flyers that we send out." He was looking at her with wrinkled eyebrows. She didn't have it in her to make excuses.

"I'm sorry Dave, but I have to go. I really don't feel well and should probably just get going. I'm so sorry to back out on dinner…" While she apologized she was backing away and finally turned and darted across the common area.

"Wait! Can I call you sometime?" She could hear his voice spike with nervousness.

"Of course! My number's in my file." She winced as she shouted out the lie, hoping that whoever Shannon was, she was single and nice and someone who would never lie to Dave.

After she was back in her truck and pulling out of the parking lot Alice finally allowed herself to process what she'd seen. And the more she thought about it all the more she felt like she had been in that auditorium and whoever was there with her was wearing the WSU logo of the cougar. Whether or not it was real or just a dream was what she was still confused about.

Miles down the road she was still wondering. When she stopped to get gas at a little gas station she realized that she hadn't eaten at all so she grabbed one of the greasy hotdogs that were rolling around on the warmer. As she paid for it she noticed the man behind the counter looking her over. He was even greasier than the hotdog. Suddenly she felt terribly uncomfortable and she rushed out to her truck as fast as she could.

She needed to feel safe again. She needed Jasper.

Driving with a renewed sense of purpose she headed toward Spokane and by the time she arrived she realized that she truly didn't have anyway to find Jasper without calling and announcing her arrival which ruined the element of surprise. She sighed to herself and picked up her cell phone to call.

When she heard the familiar "Hey there darlin'…" any feelings of fear that had been eating away at her after the visit to WSU were quickly calmed.

"Jasper… I want to see you!" Her voice almost squeaked with excitement.

"Alice I would love to see you too. This weekend surely isn't arriving soon enough for me." He had a tired sound to his voice and it made her heart just sink. _What if he's too tired to see me?_

She drew in a deep breath and blurted "I'm here. In Spokane. Can I come over?"

"What? Are you serious?" She still couldn't tell if he was happy or not.

"Yes.. is it… is that okay?" She asked the question timidly but part of her felt a little angry at the idea that he might not want to see her.

"Well of course! Where are you? Should I come get you or just give you directions?"

He ended up giving her directions to a public parking lot down the street from his apartment because he didn't want her to get ticketed for parking on the street overnight. Because it was getting late and he didn't want her walking down the street by herself, Jasper met her at the parking lot. If he was upset about her surprise visit he certainly didn't show it.

She stepped out of her truck and he scooped her into a huge embrace that nearly knocked the wind out of her. "Promise me you won't do that again." He growled in her ear.

"Do what again?" she asked, completely confused by his request.

"Drive all the way here in that old truck of yours! What if you would have broken down somewhere? I would never forgive myself if something happened Alice." In the dim glow of the streetlights she could see the seriousness of his face and although his lecture made her slightly ashamed she feel indignant also.

"So I'm never allowed to visit you then?" she asked with an edge in her voice. "I know I seem fragile but believe it or not I've survived a lot in my short existence."

He laughed at the tiny spitfire glaring at him and pulled her close, forcing a chaste kiss against her pouting lips. "Alice I would have you here every night if I could. Could you at least borrow Bella's car from now on?"

She relaxed and smiled at his concern. How could she stay mad anyway? It was a nice but short walk back to Jasper's apartment. He carried her bag and she held his hand as if it was the biggest honor in the world, running her thumb around his in circles.

Back at the apartment Alice took a look around while Jasper put her bag in his bedroom. _Is it strange that he'd just assume that I would want to be in his bed? Probably not. I'd assume he'd want me to stay in his bed so I guess it makes sense. _

_This place is actually pretty nice for a bachelor pad. It's a little minimalist but it's clean. Ooohh look at that bookshelf! It's like a treasure chest of old books, how fun!_

"I'm really into history and old history books are a big passion of mine." Jasper slipped his arm around her waste from behind. "Hungry? I was thinking of ordering pizza."

"Starved" was her answer. Half an hour later they were popping in a movie and eating what Jasper had called Hawaiian pizza which meant it was topped with pineapple, ham and caramelized onions. She hadn't thought it sounded very good but he had assured her that it was and of course he was right.

She snuggled up against him and instead of focusing on the movie found herself feeling guilty. It was awful to not be truthful to him. Lying was no way to start a relationship, even she knew that, but she didn't want to have him or anyone else "managing" her research. She knew that her past could be traumatic on her but she wanted to find out more and she didn't want her loved ones filtering it for her.

As the evening progressed she eventually fell asleep on top of him. At one point he tried to wake her but she was so exhausted that she just fell back asleep. He carried her to bed and she pulled half of her clothes off and curled up in a sea of pillows, never having felt more at rest.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I hope there are some of you out there who are still interested in where this story is going. I know it's hard to catch up on a story that has hung out without being updated for so long. If you read it and see anything you like, leave me a comment because I'd appreciate any feedback. **

**This short little chapter is straight from Jasper's mysterious and secretive mind.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**JPOV**

_The fact that she showed up here is both fantastic but frightening at the same time. I'm so glad that I didn't have any pictures of her or any evidence of what we were. It's just insane to have to hide everything like this but I am too attached to her to lose her again. I'm so undeserving and yet right now she looks at me with eyes so full of love…_

He was lying on his side, resting his head on his elbow while he watched her sleep. The evening had passed rather uneventfully considering how shockingly it had begun. When they had arrived at his apartment she had been carefully inspecting everything. It made him feel very paranoid that she was going to see something that would make her suspicious but she hadn't seemed alarmed in anyway. Even the picture of his family, a picture that she had seen many times still hadn't triggered any memories.

She was acting a bit preoccupied though and even when they were watching the movie he could tell she wasn't truly paying attention. He hoped it was just something trivial but there was a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach that it might be serious.

When he ordered the pizza he ordered her old favorite, figuring that she'd like it. At first she protested thinking that it didn't sound very good but he was thrilled to see her enjoy it after she tried that first bite. The mix of sweet pineapple and savory ham was magical.

Just watching her take bites and close her eyes while she soaked in the flavors was strangely erotic to him. He had leaned over and kissed her, ignoring her protests that she probably had pizza all over her face.

Everything about her was perfect for him. It was so sweet to feel her body curled up against him on the couch but he had know that he had to take her to bed. It just wasn't worth costing her a good night of sleep just so that he could have her lay on top of him.

After he carefully laid her down in bed she stirred restlessly and began pulling her clothes off. Before he even realized it she had taken her pants and top and was sliding under the covers in just her underwear and the tank top she had been wearing underneath her shirt. His breath caught in his throat as she hitched her leg over his and snuggled in, and whether she was awake or not made absolutely no difference, she had completely aroused him. Her body was incredible but he had to keep his thoughts under control. It was too soon.

Then he felt it. The warm, moist feeling on his thigh was radiating from her center and it was all he could do to keep from flipping her onto her back and just taking advantage of her right there. It was a strong urge, stronger than he had felt in years. It was wrong but it would have been so right.

As he laid there he couldn't help but dream about what life would be like if he could spend forever with her. He ran his fingers through her hair, and leaned into her neck to smell her scent. The idea of spending every one of his remaining nights entangled in her arms and legs was so appealing. Images of them growing old and comfortable together flooded his mind.

_Would we have children? What would they look like? Would they look like her? Could we possibly be decent parents? Would we be married? She would look ravishing in a wedding gown. I can't begin to imagine how horrendous the shopping and planning experience would be but it would be worth it to watch her walk down the aisle._

_Oh for the love of everything holy, I need to stay focused. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to keep her until next week let alone until our wedding day._

It was becoming harder and harder to stay unattached, but he knew he needed to at least keep his heart at arm's reach from her. There was a serious chance that even though he was incredibly in love with her she might disappear from his life again in a heartbeat. But right then,her warmth was all he was concerned with.

As he was dozing off to sleep he was startled by his phone vibrating on the bedside table. He put it to his ear quietly, without even saying hello.

Jasper's throat started to close up in panic as he heard "She was here. She's getting too close."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews that I've had since I started posting chapters again! I really appreciate the support and for whatever it's worth you've made me really want to write crazy often. **

**Which is why I'm tackling the rest of the fic for sure… This chapter is back to Alice's view.**

*****This chapter gets a little more sexual*****

**Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me. **

**Chapter: 14**

_Blood ran into her eyes as she struggled to stay alive. Blow after blow came and her head was never done throbbing from the last before the next one came. She forced her eyes open to look around her with the faint idea that she might attempt to fight back but all she saw was the foot flying towards her face and when the sole hit her nose she felt it all through her face. She saw red, then black and then there was no more._

When Alice rolled over she could smell blood, as if she was really bleeding. Her hands went to her face and when she felt wetness she panicked. She leapt from the bed and raced to the bathroom mirror. Relief flooded through her when she realized that she had been crying and that her face was covered in tears. After splashing cold water on her face and drying it, she stared at her reflection, particularly at her nose. She had never noticed before but there was a slight crookedness to it. Could it have been broken?

"Ummm.. Hi?" An unknown voice broke the silence and echoed across the bathroom tiles.

She spun around startled and saw a strange man standing in the doorway. She gasped out loud in fear and confusion.

"I'm Peter.. I'm the roommate? I'm guessing you're Alice?" The man looked at her more amused than threatening and his words slowly formed some sense in her brain.

"Oh! Peter! Right! Yes, I'm Alice, and I'm so sorry I just really didn't expect to see you here. I mean here as in the bathroom. Not here as in Jasper's apartment. I mean your apartment." She took a deep breath and walked towards him with her hand extended. "I'm sorry, let's start this over. Hi**, **I'm Alice and I'm not a morning person."

He shook her hand and chuckled. "Alice it's a pleasure meeting you. Now I have to tell you that Jasper told me that I'm not allowed to wander around without pants if he has his lady here… so you might want to follow that same precedent." He glanced down at her legs ever so slightly.

Horror struck her as she realized that she was nearly nude, basically wearing underwear. Her face flushed and she rushed to grab a towel off the rack and wrapped it around her like a skirt. "Yes! I'm sure that's a great rule to follow, now if you'll excuse me?" She smiled sheepishly and squeezed by him in a hurry but not before she noticed his smirk.

She crawled back in bed with Jasper still so mortified that she didn't even notice that he was awake. "What's with the towel?" He asked in that signature raspy voice that she'd come to love in the mornings.

"I met Peter."

"What?"

"I was coming out of the bathroom and ran into Peter. He advised me to put on some pants." She even sounded sheepish, not that she had anything to be ashamed of. She hadn't even realized that they wouldn't be alone in the apartment.

Jasper ran his fingers through his wavy hair and yawned. "Wonder what time he dragged himself home… wait a second. You mean he saw you like this?" He asked, flipping back the blankets so he could see her lack of clothing. His eyes roamed the full length of her body, not missing the fact that her underwear didn't cover much of anything and a good portion of her stomach was revealed also.

She blushed all over again and she couldn't tell if he was annoyed or turned on. "I'm sorry Jazz, I seriously didn't expect him to be here…" She trailed off as she became distracted by his finger dragging up and down her inner thigh. She caught her breath as he started working his path higher and higher up on her thigh.

"I'm not upset darlin', just a little jealous that his undeserving eyes were able to see you so bare. But then again I'm not nearly deserving of you either." His mouth stopped talking as he dipped down to lay some simple kisses around her belly button. She could feel her own pulse begin to race. If he noticed he didn't indicate it but she didn't know how he couldn't hear it himself considering how loud it was.

Those simple kisses weren't much but yet they were everything. Slow and agonizingly teasing; they were driving her insane. She felt her back arch upward as if she was asking for more but she truly didn't know what she was asking for more of. She just knew that he was fantastic and she didn't want him to stop.

He murmured something under his breath and her heart was beating so fast that she couldn't be sure but she thought it was something about not missing his chance. All of a sudden her mind started to race. _Is this it? Are we really going to do this? I think I'm ready.. Oh God I'm so ready.. but I don't know if WE'RE ready." _

Before she could think too much more she felt him shift so that he was sitting up and facing her, with his head leaned on her one knee that had been bent and raised during her sexual frustration. His left hand was still doodling designs on the inside of her thigh, inching upward towards the small triangle of teal lace that was already damp.

She realized she was holding her breath, just watching him silently and she slowly exhaled trying to relax. _I want this._

His fingertips danced over the lace ever so lightly but she could feel it. She didn't have a lot of hair there so with her legs slightly spread she could feel the gentle tickling and it sent electric shocks through her. She didn't realize what she was doing but she bucked her hips ever slow slightly upward and he definitely noticed because she heard him groan. _I want this._

"Mmmm.. I want to give it to you." Jasper's voice was quiet and growling. _I said that outloud? I can't believe I said that out loud. _Before she could feel too self-conscious he was talking again. "I want to please you so badly, I want to do so much to you." His voice was gentle and quiet but his hands were speaking volumes. One had slid under her bottom when she had raised her hips and was gently but rubbing her backside. The other hand had lost its shyness also and was blatantly stroking her through her panties.

"Alice.. Just tell me that I can please you, I promise I won't hurt you."

Her eyes met his and she saw so much in them, lust, desperation and what she imagined was love. She nodded her head timidly and with wide eyes she answered "yes please" in a voice that she wasn't even sure had come from her mouth it was so full of emotion.

From that point it was clear that Jasper was a man in control, at the very least. Every single move that he made was sure and gentle. His hands continued their massage and his mouth kissed the inside of her thigh in a peppering pattern that slowly moved upward. She watched, fascinated.

Then she saw him hover over her underwear and before she even realized he was gently kissing her, through the lace and even though there was a barrier she could still feel his warm mouth and the wetness coming through. It was just so overwhelming but she knew she didn't want him to stop.

He raised his mouth away long enough to latch a finger around each side of her panties and draw them down and slowly all the way off. Afterwards he wasted no time at all and returned with clear intent in his eyes. _Oh my word, he's going down there! He's going.. damn!_

She felt just his fingers as they stroked over the mostly bare lips and eventually pulled those lips apart leaving her clit bare and open. She watched him and his face had a look of awe that she couldn't place but she heard him say "So beautiful.." before he brought his face gently to her and his warm wet mouth mixed with her juices as he gently sucked on her clit. When he finally released it she closed her eyes and released a slow breath, only to gasp out loud when the tip of his tongue started to race up and down between her lips and then settle in around her clit as it seemed to move faster than any human body part should. She felt her whole body tense and she felt like she needed to do something with her hands but she didn't know what so she reached down and ran her fingers through his hair. It seemed to make his tongue move even faster.

Her hips seemed to involuntarily push forward, pressing her pussy into his mouth and tongue which was dancing around in circles around her clit. There was a growing feeling of ecstasy and she didn't think she could handle it. She gasped out his name but that's all she could do as she felt every inch of her being spin out of control as her clit throbbed and her center clenched with orgasm. She literally saw stars as she closed her eyes and came down from the high that was known as Jasper.

"Are you okay darlin'?" His southern drawl was strong and thick and she realized that he probably wanted more.

"I'm so okay. I'm fabulous.. can I… help you finish?" She silently begged him to say no, as she had no idea how exactly to do that. To her surprise he chuckled.

"Baby, I lost it just before you did I'm embarrassed to say." He motioned down to a wet spot on the front of his shorts. "That was just too much for me to watch, apparently I don't have the self-control that I thought I did."

She was just in awe at the thought that her orgasm actually turned him on. "Oh Jasper, I could have.. taken care of that for you, or at least I think I could have, not that I know how but…" She floundered miserably to convey her meaning. He crawled up and wrapped her in his arms.

"Alice we will definitely go farther soon enough, trust me. But I refuse to have our first time to be hushed because of my roommate being across the hall. It will happen and it will be perfect and romantic but it won't be here that's for damn sure." He sighed and held her tight. "Speaking of a lack of romance… I need to go get cleaned up. I'd offer to shower together but I think Peter's already had enough awkward moments with you as it is so we won't make more of a statement by sneaking to the bathroom together. Alice.. I want you to know that you are the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on and I'm honored that you would trust me enough to let me please you." And with that he kissed her forehead and pulled away grabbing a couple things from his dresser before walking out of the room.

She crashed back into the pillows and laid there wondering if what just happened really happened or if she was dreaming it all. _Oh Alice, your dreams aren't ever orgasmic._ She couldn't help wondering how she could have been untruthful with him about where she'd been the day before. She had to be honest with him. She didn't have a choice. It was clear that she was in love with him and she couldn't keep lying. It was decided. Now if only she could figure out how to confess her lie.

**A/N: Whew! I'm fanning myself over here.. this was my first real sexual writing experience and I have to tell you I was intimidated. I think I need a cold shower. I hope this was "good for you" or whatever. Please review because if you don't I'll feel like a one-night-stand who never gets a call in the morning!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N**

**I know, I know. It's been forevah. I can't claim writer's block exactly but maybe just intimidation.. I know where this story is going but it's a lot harder to write a "book" than I thought it would be. I hope that you'll bear with me.**

**Disclaimer: I own a million ridiculous ideas.. Twilight is not one of them.**

**Back to Jasper for a bit…**

She was amazing. She tasted just like he remembered. He hadn't meant to take it so far, but every time he breathed in her scent he felt so sure that he needed to keep her safe. That he needed to make sure he wasn't losing her.

_Great Jasper, and an orgasm is going to solve that? If anything you probably just confused her more._

It was just the knowledge that she had been dishonest with him. She had blatantly lied. This new Alice didn't lie, it wasn't in her character. It wasn't like she would have done it unintentionally so she obviously felt the need to separate herself from him. This need for deception could cost her everything. Her new start could be lost as soon as it had begun.

As the hot water ran down his back he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Reality was harsh and there were times when he wondered if he was doing the right thing. Should he have just left her alone? It was easier to protect her when he was close to her but it was hard to stay close with her lying to him.

He stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. It was clear that he was going to have to do something to change her course.

As Jasper pulled onto the campus he could feel the buzz of college life surround him. Young people were so oblivious to the reality that life could hold. They simply lived and let the bad happen or the good happen, without stressing over the possibilities. There were many days that he wished he too could have that liberty.

After parking and stretching he headed towards the campus center. He parked in student parking behind a dorm. This wasn't his school but he carried himself as if he belonged there. Jasper liked blending in. The glass doors of the beautiful building were swung open with ease as he walked in and simultaneously fished out a key from his pocket. Down the stairs and to the right he found the mailboxes. His box was 2293 and inside he found a manila envelope.

Tucking it under his arm he locked the box back up and headed upstairs to the café area. After ordering a latte and a bagel at the counter he searched for a quiet spot towards the back of the huge lounge area. He found an overstuffed sofa onto which he settled in as if he was going to read some fascinating novel for a few hours of enjoyment, which couldn't have been farther from the truth.

Tearing open the envelope he felt feelings of dread rip through his chest. Inside was a short stack of pictures from what appeared to be various security cameras throughout campus. Alice was in all of them. He flipped through and from what he could tell she looked like any other prospective student taking a campus tour... except for much more beautiful than any average student.

Accompanying the photos was a note.

_She walked into the auditorium and I knew immediately it was her. I'm not sure if she recognized me, or the room itself but something definitely spooked her. It's not safe for her to keep digging here. I spoke with the tour guide that accompanied her and he seemed love struck with her at the least but intrigued by their mysterious encounter. I'm enclosing his name but I don't know that I would raise any more red flags with the boy because the less people who know about her, the better. The name she gave him was fake so obviously she's trying to cover her tracks. He did say that she was asking about Jane. I'm not sure what she knows but she obviously knows something. It surprises me that she hasn't confided in you about the trip yet Jasper and I'd be concerned if I were you. Be aware that if she is recognized here then I can't protect her._

Jasper sighed and finished flipping through the pictures. The last one took his breath away. It would appear that Alice and the boy were having a romantic encounter of some sort... definitely flirting and it looked like their closeness could have easily been followed by a kiss. _She shared an umbrella with him? And look at her putting her pouty little lip out! _ It took every ounce of his strength to not track down the boy and rip him into pieces.

Instead he headed back to his own campus to regroup.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I love Jasper. I really do, and even if I write him in a little less traditional fashion, he's always going to be my favorite!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters do not belong to me.. I wish… *sigh***

**Alice POV**

Alice's drive back to Forks was anything but eventful. It wasn't exactly like Alice needed eight hours of uninterrupted thought either because she had already stressed over lying to Jasper ever since she had stepped foot in his apartment. She had no idea how she would confess and a part of her didn't even want to.

It's not as if she didn't trust him with a lot of things... but this seemed different. It seemed like she should keep this separate from him. Part of her wondered if it was because she had no idea what history she had uncovered and if it was even worth mentioning. Another part of her was a bit indignant in reaction to his protective attitude. There was no suspicion over his motives but it did make her feel even less out of control than she already. Jasper already hovered overprotectively and while she enjoyed the feeling it gave her of being safe she also was struggling to find something that was hers. Most people have their memories that are private, bits and pieces of a past that combine into a beautiful collage of a present person.

At about the half way mark of her trip she pulled up in front of a little diner to stretch her legs and get some coffee. She noticed the free wi-fi sign on the door and ran back to the truck to grab her laptop. Might as well get some work done while she refueled with caffeine.

As she sat in a booth taking in her surroundings she remembered the first time she met Jasper. Their conversation in the coffee shop was anything but smooth. Even thinking about it took her breath away. The idea that after having those repetitive dreams of Jasper she had actually really met him and sat in a diner with him... it was confusing. Meeting him made her think that her dreams may have been foretelling her future, not indicative of her past.

Then she made the mistake of going to the WSU campus. It was clear that the cougar in her nightmares was something that she had seen before, as was that auditorium. She couldn't piece everything together yet but she knew that Jane Volturi had a lot to do with it.

The waitress took her order and while she waited for her food Alice flipped open her laptop and started googling Jane again. Of course all the same stuff came up that had before. An obituary notice, that was really just a notice of death with funeral home times and dates. A bunch of listings of articles and career information about her. Alice sipped her water and thought for a moment. _What else can I look for?_

_Jane Volturi + author + professor + missing girl_

_Nothing new._

_Jane Volturi + WSU + death + author_

_Nothing new._

_Wait a minute… That boy on campus had said that she died in a fire right? That had to have made the news._

_Jane Volturi + fire + death_

And there it was. Articles about Jane's actual death in all of the local newspapers popped up. Alice was skimming through one when her food arrived and she dragged herself away long enough to smile and talk to the waitress for a moment, shove a bite of salad into her mouth and then keep reading.

She learned a lot from the articles. It appeared that Dr. Jane Volturi had perished in the fire, along with her husband and two adopted children, a boy and a girl. There were arson investigations and it looked like a Mary Volturi had for a brief time been a suspect in the investigation, but then when she couldn't be found anywhere it had been assumed that she had also burned in the fire. Mary was another adopted child, of adult age. This sparked her curiosity greatly. Was it possible that Alice was actually Mary? There was an address of the fire, and Alice jotted it down in her notebook with the intent of someday visiting the place.

Alice kept reading even after she finished her meal. The waitress was refilling her coffee and she didn't seem to mind the blatant abuse of their generous Wi-Fi policy. She was just too curious about this new available information to stop now.

Suddenly her phone vibrated and she saw that it was Bella's number. _Crud. I should be almost home by now._

"Hey Bells!"

"Hey yourself!" Answered Bella. "Are you close? Dad and I were going to head to Port Angeles for dinner and we were going to wait for you if you're going to be here soon."

"Oh Bella, I'd love to but I'm still a few hours away." Alice truly did feel bad that she was missing out on Swan family time.

"What's the matter; you and lover boy spend too much time gazing into each other's eyes for you to leave on time this morning?" Bella was kidding, but Alice could tell she was also using this for an excuse to dig for juicy info on her time with Jasper.

"No Bella, we did not have sex. And yes I know that's what you really wanted to ask but Charlie's there with you so you couldn't."

Bella laughed as she answered. "Well at least you know me well. Where are you? Are you driving safely?"

"I am. I'm actually sitting at a diner grabbing dinner right now, and looking up some information on my laptop. Don't tell Charlie but I think I actually have some pretty good leads about my past."

"Okay, I won't, but you stay safe and get home so you can fill me in alright?" Bella sounded a bit more serious. "I love you Alice, come home?"

"Love you too Bells, I'll be there later. I'll text you to let you know I'm home."

As she hung up the phone she considered how lucky she was to have fallen into the safe hands of Charlie and Bella. Not everyone had such a good family life, and honestly Alice was starting to wonder if she had any sort of family from her previous. It seems like if she had, then they surely would have been looking for her. It made her slightly sad but also reminded her to keep reading about the Volturi family.

The more Alice dug, the more she found. It appeared that Jane's maiden name was Brandon, which tied even more curiosity to the situation. Clearly it was possible that this Mary was in fact Alice.

She took a deep breath and typed "Mary + Brandon + Pullman WA" into the search engine. She drew in a sharp breath when the search produced only 3 different results, all looking promising.

When she opened the first one it led to an older article in the Pullman Daily News about the tragic death of a Mr. and Mrs. Donald Brandon after a motor vehicle accident that happened on a stormy night. It appeared that Mr. and Mrs. Brandon were survived by a Mary, who was only sixteen when they died. There were no pictures of them but there were pictures of their SUV and Alice could barely look at the damage. It was just a big ball of crushed metal.

The picture wasn't truly made her heart stop beating though. As she came to the end of the article there was a quote from one of the local EMT's who had responded to the accident. His words sent chills down her spine.

"_Don and Alice Brandon were pillars of this community, nothing but good people. We're all in mourning with young Mary and we're all going to miss them."_

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think!**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Ah, the drama of a cliffhanger! It would appear that this story is coming closer to culmination but make no assumptions, things get much more complicated before they become clear!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its sparkly vampires... **

**Alice POV**

"_Miss! Miss, please wake up! Miss! Are you okay? Please wake up! Somebody call an ambulance!"_

She could hear the voice of the waitress and shook herself awake.

"No! There's no need for an ambulance, I just fell asleep. I'm fine, really, I'm fine!" Alice grabbed the waitress by the arm as she slurred her words out.

"Oh honey, I was really worried there for a second. Are you sure you're okay?" The poor girl's concern was sincere.

"I'm fine. Really I am. I just need to get home. I guess I didn't realize how tired I was getting." Alice feigned a yawn and quickly packed up her stuff.

Tossing some cash down on the table she rushed out the door before the waitress could second guess her decision and detain her. It was already dark outside and Alice would have been lying to herself if that didn't bother her. She had stayed in the diner too long. She should have waited until she made it home in order to drown herself in such research, but it was too late to have afterthoughts.

Her truck simply could not make it home fast enough. She was entirely stressed by everything she had learned and in truth she didn't have anyone that she thought she could trust with the information. It wasn't that she didn't trust the people around her to keep things confidential, but she didn't feel like she could trust them to maintain their relationship with her. The whole trip back her mind raced with potential scenarios.

_That girl, Mary, she could have just died in the fire. But what if she didn't? What if I'm her and I started the fire? That means I've killed people. What if Charlie knew? Would he have to arrest me? Would Jasper ever be able to look at me the same way again? Would Bella believe me if I said I didn't do it? And if I didn't do it then why did I end up missing? And even if I did do it, how did I lose my memory and how did I end up in Forks?_

Her paranoia was interrupted by her phone vibrating. She sighed as she saw that it was Jasper. The thought of having to lie to him even more than she already had was distressing.

"Hi Jazz!" She struggled to bring her usual amount of enthusiasm to the conversation.

"Hey darlin'! How was your trip home?"

"Well, I'm actually still driving. I ended up making a couple stops on my way home and lost track of time. It's really a beautiful drive!" Alice silently prayed that he wouldn't push the issue of what took so long.

"Stopped a couple of places? Alice, should I be worried? Where are you right now?" Jasper's voice registered as worried already so she didn't really understand why he bothered asking.

"Oh I'm fine. I'm about an hour and a half from home right now and the trip is going well. I would have been home by now but I found some cute little shops along the way and then I ended up stopping at a diner for dinner because I was starving." _Oh Alice, you're a lousy liar. But at least the shopping sounds realistic._

"Darlin' I really don't like the idea of you wandering around the state in that old truck of yours all by yourself." Jasper's drawl was gentle but she could still tell that he was upset.

"I thought you liked my truck?"

"I love your truck. Mostly because it appeals to my love of history and that truck, my lady, should be considered an historical artifact." His voice stayed smooth but she could tell he was smirking.

"I'm going to get off the phone before my sweet truck overhears your slander and takes offense." She said, in a pouty tone.

"That's a damn fine idea. I'd hate to see the thing decide to break down out of protest. It doesn't have the greatest odds of making it home anyway." By now he wasn't even trying to hide the laughter.

"Okay, I'm really going now. Goodbye Jazz." She hung up with a sigh.

Alice jumped in the shower the second she walked in the door, letting the hot water wash away her cares. It actually helped clear her thoughts and as she pulled on her flannel pajamas she felt much better about the situation. She texted Bella before she got in the shower and by the time she stepped out of the bathroom Bella was sitting on her sofa with two steaming mugs in front of her on the coffee table. She never was the patient sort.

After swearing her to complete secrecy Alice decided that she had to tell Bella. She had to tell someone, and honestly she had less to lose from Bella finding out negative things about her than if Jasper did. It didn't take too long and it felt so good to say it all out loud rather than just have the thoughts rolling around in her head like a bunch of loose change.

"Alice, I do understand why you're anxious about this information but I really wouldn't jump to any conclusions. You might be completely wrong about this. It could be a complete coincidence." Bella reasoned.

"I know. It doesn't make sense to assume that I'm some girl named Mary when I don't even know for sure. I need to find out more though right?"

"Oh definitely!" Answered Bella with enthusiasm. "In fact, can I check out the links that you found now? It's not that late and I'd like to look them over. Could I hang out for a bit?"

"Of course. I'm going to call Jasper but you can read through. I only read the first link on this page but there are two more after that one." Alice handed her the laptop with the search page still open.

She left Bella to her research while she retreated to her bedroom and dialed the number that she now knew by heart.

"Hey there pretty lady, I was starting to think you'd never call." Jasper drawled.

"I just decided to shower before I called. I'd hate to call you while I'm all stinky."

"I have to tell you that even if you were stinky, I'd still want to smell you." His voice was sort of raspy, in the sexiest sort of way.

"Jasper! That's just plain disgusting. Sweet. But disgusting." Alice tried to remember that it wasn't just her in the apartment, but even the sound of his voice melted her insides. "You know, I had a really good time with you last night. This morning too." She held her breath as she waited for his response.

"Oh Ally, if you only knew how much I would love to spend every night with you. And not just because I love the way you feel and taste, but because you're becoming a part of me." He took a deep breath in and continued.

"Darlin' I know that you want a better identity; that you want to know who you really are. I do understand that but damn it woman just please promise me that you'll consider who you are right now too. You are a beautiful person. You have people who love you. There isn't a day in my life that I don't want to spend more time with you. I know we haven't known each other long but you're a piece of me Ally and that is an understatement. Please don't freeze me out of whatever you're going through or whatever you find out?" It was Jasper's turn to hold his breath.

There were tears sliding down her cheeks and her breathing was rough when she finally choked out her answer. For once she was glad that he wasn't there in person. "Okay. Thank you Jasper. You have no idea how much it means to me to know that you're here. I'll… I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Goodnight Ally. Sweet dreams." Just like that he was gone.

Alice sat for a few moments trying to rid herself of the tears and of the self-loathing emotions that were flowing through her soul. When she was able to maintain a calm front she stood and dragged her feet out into her living room. She was utterly exhausted.

She looked up at Bella from across the room and realized that she wasn't the only one crying. Bella was in tears, silently sobbing.

"Bells? What's going on?" Alice rushed to her side.

"I found you. I found you Alice, but you're not Alice. You're Mary." As she said it she turned the laptop and there on the screen was what appeared to be a blog. At the top was a heading that read "My Nightmare" and in the sidebar was a picture of Alice. "Your name is Mary Alice Brandon."

**A/N I hope you like it! If you do then please review. Or if you don't like it then still review! **


	18. Chapter 18

**Rated M**

**A/N: This chapter should tie some things together for us. Hopefully. Or just make things more frustrated. Depends on your point of view I guess ;-) Warning, this could get a little rough. If you don't like violence or rape references then read with caution.**

**Disclaimer: I have no rights to Twilight. I do not own Jasper or Alice. In fact I don't own much besides my dr. pepper chapstick and a pair of pink fuzzy bunny slippers. **

**Alice POV**

Alice had been reading what was apparently her own blog for hours. Bella didn't leave, just kept her in full supply of caffeine and hugs. Eventually she dozed off though, and left Alice to click through post after post of torture. Every paragraph was a new entry into a virtual diary. The most that Alice could make of it was that she had been allowed internet access for one purpose, and that she secretly posted to her blog while she was supposed to be doing something else. It didn't really matter how she was doing it, what she had written was enough to make her nauseated.

_If ever there was a moment that I wanted to die, it was today. There isn't much I can say beyond the fact that pond scum has more courage than I do. I watch them, day in and day out and I don't protect them. They beat them, they burn them they cut them and all I can do is scream. I love them so much but there isn't anything I can do to help. _

_Have you ever been stitched up? It's a lovely feeling, to know that the little needle that is piercing through your skin will help you heal only so that they can slice you open in the same spot again later. I have a scar on my back that just looks like a hunk of melted skin because it has been sewn over so many times. At last count my arm has been broken seven times. There isn't a part of me that is whole, and that includes my soul. I'm nothing but an empty fucking shell. If I wasn't useful then they would have killed me by now, but the funny part is that I couldn't be more useless._

_Little Ava and Alec are barely surviving. Today I prayed and prayed that God would give me the strength to protect them. Do you know what happened instead? Auntie threw Alec against the concrete floor so hard that I heard his skull crack. I know he won't live through this. I'm not sure anyone could._

_Uncle came home early today. Earlier than he ever has before. When he came into my cell he looked peaceful. I never could have realized what his intentions were if I hadn't seen his eyes. They looked… hungry. It didn't take a fucking rocket scientist to figure it out. Rape is such a simple word. Short and not so sweet. If it was what it sounded like then it would be quick. Uncle does not believe in keeping things quick at all. It wasn't the sex itself that hurt me so much. I've had sex before. Honestly I've had consensual sex that probably hurt more than this did today. It was the drawn out process. I'm so grateful that the children were sleeping. If they had watched I would have probably not been able to take it. He tied me down and fucked me but the roughest part was that afterwards he scratched a razor blade all over down there. I felt like I would never stop bleeding. I'm so sore now. I don't even know what kind of damage he did. I don't dare to look. If Auntie knew then she would kill me. If she knew I keep this blog she would kill me._

_There is a function here tonight. I don't know what the point is but I know that we've been instructed to be very quiet. They are dressing us up and showing us off. It would be pretty fucking hilarious if the other politicians knew that Aro and Jane not only keep their "kids" in cages, but that he keeps me as his personal slave. I can't say anything to anyone though. They've already told me that they will kill the kids if I do. I know it isn't rational but I do believe they would do it. It isn't about the kids. They can always get more. It's about control. Letting me know that I have none._

_Oh Dear diary, How I wish that someone out there would see this and comment, letting me know that I'm not alone. Let me know that help is coming. Let me know that this sick fucking twisted life that I'm living isn't the only thing I'll ever know again. _

_She did it. She hit him too hard. Alec isn't talking any more. He looks at me and I can tell he knows I am here but he doesn't answer me. I'm recognizable but barely more than just a familiar face. My heart aches. _

_Jasper came today. He knocked on the door like any other visitor would. He asked to see me. I'm no longer mad at him. I fear for his life. He insisted on seeing me. Aro told me that if I knew what was wise I would tell Jasper to stay away. It was the only thing that would save him. I did it. It hurt so badly. I only could see him for a few minutes and I was crying the whole time but I pleaded with him to go away. He kept saying that he was different. That he was starting a new life and he wanted me with him. I saw Aro get angry so I told him I hated him and that he needed to leave. At first I thought that it worked. I thought I had him convinced that I didn't want him here. A couple hours later he tried to break in the window of the basement and Aro was waiting. He hurt him, he hurt Jasper. He just kept saying "I warned you. I warned you not to do this." And he beat him and stabbed him. _

_It's over. The kids are dead. I loved them. They were beaten to death while I was chained to the wall near them. She did it. He just watched. After she went upstairs he had his way with me. He kept saying that Jasper was dead and he was going to fuck his memory right out of me. _

_I don't know how but this ends soon._

That was the most recent blog post and it was dated just 3 days before she had been found by Charlie. Alice read it over and over but she just couldn't believe it. The abuse was almost too much to read about. Reading it didn't make her relive it because honestly she couldn't remember it. She knew it all now but she didn't remember any of it.

And what was worse was that she knew that Jasper had lied. Jasper, the one who had just hours before promised that he'd be there. Jasper who had said he'd never met her before that day at the diner. Now she knew. She sat and sobbed silently. _What the hell am I supposed to do now?_


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I know, I know, that last chapter was a messy one. It's gonna get messier before things are all straightened out though, so hang in there!**

**Disclaimer – I'm a broke, wish-i-was-an-author-for-real person who doesn't own Twilight or much else. But I hope you like my little story.**

Alice POV

BZZZZZZ! BZZZZZZZ!

Alice's phone had been vibrating all day long. Jasper had called at least a hundred times, or so it seemed. There seemed to be no choice other than to ignore him. She managed to pull herself together for a full eight hour shift at the store, but the numbness that she felt was mostly due to the valium that Jessica had graciously offered her. She said it was how she always made it through break ups. That explained a lot.

She couldn't remember exactly what her life had been life at the Volturi home but between the blog entries and her dreams, Alice had managed to piece together a nightmarish picture. From what she had gathered she had been adopted after her parents' death, when she was sixteen. That meant that there had been years of abuse before the fire. The two children, her "cousins" had been killed before the fire, but obviously the police had assumed they had perished with their parents. She realized that her previous life had been more experienced than she would have guessed, obviously not a virgin before arriving at her aunt and uncle's house and clearly violated while there. She was quietly grateful that she had no recollection of being raped.

In fact, while it broke her heart to know what she had been through, it was almost unbelievable. What hurt her most was Jasper.

The pain of his deception was absolutely unbearable. She had expected turmoil of some sort. She had not expected him to be involved. Her heart was cracked open and bleeding in grief because not only had he hurt her but he also was not the man she knew. It was as if he had died.

Every ounce of Alice's soul wanted to call Jasper and shout at him, asking him how he could have betrayed her trust. She did not understand why he wouldn't have admitted to knowing her. Was he a danger to her? Was he the one who dumped her in that alley?

As she drove home from work, still ignoring her phone vibrating from ignored text messages she seethed with anger and tears welled in her eyes. _If he hadn't lied and if he hadn't been part of my old life I would have called him immediately. I would have let him read the blog and I would have sat down and sorted all this out with him. He would have helped me decide what to do next. He would have wrapped his arms around me and he would have held me until everything dissolved and nothing existed outside of us. _

_If I could share this with him... he would love me through it. But I can't! Because he ruined us. There is no us, because he doesn't exist and this "us" was built around him. _

She pulled into her driveway and ran up the stairs. There was a note on her door from Bella letting her know that Jasper had been calling around looking for her. She crumpled it and tossed it down the stairs. She didn't even want to read his name right now. Alice knew what she had to do. Inside she went straight to her closet and packed a duffle bag full of clothes and personal supplies. She grabbed her laptop and research. She put everything all packed on the dining room table and crashed into her bed, every inch of her body sore with stress.

As she drifted off to sleep she heard her phone ring again. Over and over it vibrated, sounding like mechanical waves in the ocean. It was a beautiful release to finally let go.

When she woke up hours later she moaned and buried her face into Jasper's shoulder. He smelled so good. It was like a combination of leather, lavender and aftershave. She adored that smell. She felt his arms wrap around her and…

"What the hell are you doing here? Get out of my house; get out of my house right now! Charlie! Charlie help!" She was screaming, loudly, while hyperventilating and throwing herself off the bed.

Meanwhile Jasper was trying to hug her and calm her down all the while thinking he was just waking her from a nightmare. It wasn't until she pulled back and punched him in the face that he realized she was serious.

"What the hell was that for?" He was rubbing his jaw in pain. "Ally calm down, it's just me!"

She took a deep breath and answered as calmly as she could.

"What are you doing in my house?"

"I drove up to make sure you were alright... you didn't answer your phone all day babe I was beginning to get worried. So I let myself in with the key under the carpet and you looked so peaceful so I just joined you. Are you okay?" Jasper's explanation seemed innocent to the untrained eye.

"What were you worried about? That I would find out the truth? That I'd know you're a fraud? Well it's too late. You need to leave now." Somehow Alice's voice was even. She didn't crack once. It was unfortunate that his expression looked so pained, but it didn't change her mind in the least bit. She lowered her voice to a firm whisper. "You knew me. You know who I was and you never said anything. You lied to me Jasper, and you were the one person who I thought could help me start over. You were the one person that I thought I would have clarity with."

"Now I'm asking you again, are you going now or do I need to call the police?" She pushed her luck.

"Alice, I'm so sorry I lied to you and I know it was wrong but please hear me out! Please hear me out!" Jasper's tone was one of desperation. "Let me explain about us, let me help! Let me tell you about our love Alice, please!"

"Jasper there is no us. You destroyed what we had by not being real with me, and in turn now I can't trust you. Leave me alone Jasper and don't ever come near me again. I loved you Jasper. I loved you more than I had ever remembered caring about anything else. None of it was real." She was sobbing through it all. "You claimed you wanted to protect me. What I really need is someone to protect me from you."

He looked broken and he slowly pulled his jeans on over his boxers and headed for the door. Turning over his shoulder he stammered "I would do absolutely anything that I thought was best for you Alice. I know you don't understand but I would make the decision to lie to you all over again because it was to keep you safe Ally. When you're done running around trying to figure this all out then come to me and I'll tell you everything you need to know."

He walked out and closed the door. Alice collapsed on the floor in a puddle of tears and silent screams.

**A/N: Reviews are lovely... even if you don't like what I'm doing here I'd still love to hear from you!**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! It still boggles my mind that anyone would read something that I wrote so y'all are so encouraging! I took a couple weeks off from these chapters because I had the idea for a one shot called "Fate" and I posted it while I was breaking from this story. If you read it then please let me know what you think! www dot fanfiction dot net/s/8079205/1/Fate**

**Disclaimer: As always Twilight is not mine.**

**Jasper POV**

Jasper may have left Alice's apartment but he didn't go far. He moved drove a block down the street and parked, settling in to spend the rest of his night in misery there. He certainly wasn't going to leave her unguarded. Who knows what she'd been prying into and who knew where she was by this point. He hated himself for putting her in the position to distrust him.

During the wee morning hours he dozed off and didn't come to until the sun warmed his chilled body. He felt like he had just woken from a nightmare and then he realized that it wasn't a dream. Alice had truly exploded on him.

He stretched and decided to head to the diner to get some coffee, but first he circled the block so that he could try for one more glimpse of her. It didn't take longer than a second for it to register that Alice's truck was gone. She must have already left for work.

After grabbing an omelet at the diner he paid and headed to the Cullens' house. He was grateful when he realized that nobody was home. He wasn't sure how much they knew of Alice's discoveries and he didn't want to answer questions at the moment.

As he stepped into the shower in Edward's bathroom he started to second guess himself and his decisions.

_What the hell was I thinking? Of course she'd find out. She's too smart, and she's too persistent. Every little detail she analyzes, everything she notices… she picks up on everything. Always was too damn quick. Now how am I ever going to explain it all? It's all so real to me but none of it will be to her. She'll hear the story and only sense the terror of it all. She won't understand how much I loved her, how much I would give to protect her._

_I have to tell her the truth though. Enough with the deception._

He stepped out of the shower, water dripping all over Edward's obnoxious hundred dollar bathroom rug. After getting dressed, he repacked his bag, borrowing a couple of Edward's shirts and taking the extra tube of toothpaste in case he didn't get a chance to come back to the house. He planned on avoiding the family until he had a chance to explain himself to Alice first. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that she would have confided in Bella, in which case then Edward would soon know.

The trip to the grocery store was uneventful, but still left him trapped in the misery of his own thoughts. He was grateful to arrive. Pulling into the parking lot he realized that Alice's truck was nowhere to be seen. He pulled out his phone and flipped through her older text messages. It didn't take him long to find the text with her work schedule for the week. Sure enough, her shift should have started an hour ago.

He resisted panic and parked his car. Walking into the store he scanned the front until her found the manager, knowing that he could flirt his way into some information.

"Hi! Jess, right?" He flashed a big smile as she turned around in answer to her name.

"Hi! Your Alice's friend right? You're friends?..." She ran her tongue over her top lip while waiting for his answer.

It was all he could do not to scoff at her desperation, but he played along. "Yeah, that's right. I don't see Alice here, is she working today?"

Jess twirled her hair around a finger and leaned back against the end of a register casually. "She was supposed to." She replied with a slight roll of the eyes. "Turns out she had some really big family emergency so she called in today and took the next few weeks off. Talk about short notice. Did you have plans today?"

"Not exactly." Jasper was quickly tiring of her flirting. "Thanks for your time ma'am, now you have a great day!" He was out the door before she could even answer.

As he walked across the parking lot he had his phone to his ear.

"Bella, It's Jasper."

"Jasper I really don't want to talk." Bella's voice was wavering slightly.

"Listen I know that I'm not who you want to hear from but I need to know where she is. You don't understand the danger that she's in." He tried to stay patient but the urgency was getting the better of him. There was a pit in his stomach that felt like it was filling up with lava.

Bella didn't take kindly to his words, in fact assuming that they were a direct threat. "No you listen to me, it seems that you're the danger. You're the one who lied to her and then left the rest of us to pick up the pieces. She'll be fine as long as you leave her alone."

"Bella, I need to know where she is. Did she say where she was going?" He waited but only heard silence.

"Bella?"

"I heard you. She hasn't gone anywhere; she just had to work today. She's at the store but leave -…"

"She's not at the store. They said she took the next few weeks off, why would she have done that?" Jasper cut her off in anger. "Are you home? Meet me at her apartment."

He hung up without even waiting for an answer and immediately dialed Edward.

"Hey man, what's up?" Edward obviously hadn't spoken to his fiancée yet today.

"Ed I need you to trust me. I've known Alice for a long time. I knew her before she became the Alice you know. When she lost her memory it was decided that for her own safety she should be relocated so she could start over. I'm not a threat to her but there are those who still would easily do her harm." Jasper talked as fast and as simply as he could.

"I don't understand how you could have lied to all of us…" Edward trailed off in shock.

"I'm not asking you to make sense of it all right now but I need you to understand that every little thing I've lied about is because I love her. I would do anything to keep her safe. The reason she ended up in Forks was because I knew you were there and that you would take care of her. I could make sure she was in good hands." Jasper sighed in frustration when he realized how twisted this all sounded.

Edward cleared his throat. "You know I trust you, but I don't understand why we couldn't have known the truth."

Jasper ignored the implied request for details and chose to focus on the problem at hand. "Well Alice knows now that I have lied to her. She's running. I don't know where to and to be honest I'm scared. They will kill her Edward. I need to know that if I call on you that you'll help me bring her home." He tried to convey trust in his voice.

"Whatever you need man, just let me know."

"Thank you." Jasper hung up as he pulled into the driveway.

Bella was sitting on the bottom step crying. When he came close she handed him a note with a look of fury in her eyes. As he read it his head began to spin and every vein in his body pounded in chorus with his heartbeat.

_Dear Bella,_

_I know you probably don't understand this but I need to find some answers and the one person who knows them is someone I can't trust… so I'll look elsewhere. Please don't try to find me. I have the means to live on my own for some time and I don't plan on checking in often. Just know that I love you and Charlie and I'll take care of myself. Jasper hurt me but I'll be fine. I've risen from worse fires than this. Make sure he doesn't follow me, I have a feeling he'll try to get in the way and I'm done letting him control me._

_Your Alice._

**A/N: I hope you liked it! I'm getting a lot of hits on these chapters but so few reviews that it's making me crazy with curiosity as to whether or not y'all are liking the story. I'd still write it even if I didn't have reviews I think but the feedback helps. **


	21. Chapter 21

**Phoenix Chapter 21 **

**A/N I haven't abandoned this story. I've just had a lot of stories on my brain and too little time to write them down. First I had the idea for a one shot called "Fate" and I posted it while I was breaking from this story. www dot fanfiction dot net/s/8079205/1/Fate **

**Then I started a Rosalie/Emmett story that I've been chewing on for a while. It's called North. (It's listed on my profile) Check that one out too please, I'd Love the feedback.**

**And I'm still working on this one too, getting my story to play out with all the intended details. Hopefully someone's still reading. Muah!**

**Disclaimer: As always Twilight is not mine.**

**Chapter 21**

**Alice POV**

At first Alice hadn't really known where she would go. Then as she sat in a diner just off the highway she realized she knew what she wanted to do. She had been flipping through her notebook and she found the address of Jane Volturi's fire. That was it. She had to go see where Jane, and where she herself, had lived. It was a horrible thought but she needed some reconciliation.

As she pulled up in front of the mostly empty lot she took a deep breath. There was a bit of rubble left in the back corner where the debris must have been pushed after leveling the house. She started to walk over the lot slowly. She couldn't help repeating the stories from her blog to herself. She realized that since she didn't actually remember all those horrible things that had been done to her, she had to be grateful for that in the least. It didn't make her feel better about it all happening though, and as she walked over the rocky soil she saw bits and pieces of glass and walls. It didn't bring any thoughts of home or memories of torture.

She had been searching for some peace about it all but she didn't get it in the vacant lot.

As she climbed back into her truck Alice remembered the two children. The children she had wanted to protect, probably the children who occasionally cry out to her in her dreams. Ava and Alec.

_They might be my clues. There's no way that 2 young children end up missing without someone noticing right?_

She landed at the public library in a big comfy chair and tapped into their free wifi. She started searching and searching for missing siblings that would fit in age or with the same first names. A couple hours into her search she found a facebook fundraiser page called "Help keep Ava and Alec together" and when she read it she knew it was them. The page had been created a few years ago by members of a community a couple hours east of Jane's house. There was a brief explanation explaining that Ava and Alec were orphans after their parents died in a car accident. The community was trying to keep the two little children together but they were in danger of being separated into foster homes. The money raised would supposedly keep them together in the same children's home until a long term adoptive family could be found. Alice found a phone number of a woman called Betty Fronk who had apparently organized a lot of the fundraiser.

In spite of barely having an appetite Alice managed to drink a big milkshake while she was getting up the nerve to call Betty. Finally she stopped procrastinating and just did it.

"Hello?"

"Betty Fronk?" Alice's voice faltered a little.

"This is she." Betty sounded kind.

"Hi, I had a question about Ava and Alec that you hosted a fundraiser for a few years ago?"

"Well yes, of course I remember them." She cleared her throat. "What is it you were trying to find out dear?"

Alice decided it was safest to lie. "I had contributed to that fundraiser and I was wondering if they were still able to be together or if they had been adopted."

Betty went on to tell her that the twins had been placed at a group home at an address that sounded not far from the Volturi house. It had been a couple years since Betty had heard anything else about the twins but she had gathered that they had since been adopted by a well to-do family.

After getting off the phone Alice decided to do a little undercover work. She drove to the group home that Betty had told her about and parked down the street. She reached into her duffle bag and grabbed a ring with a diamond style stone, putting it on her left hand.

She walked into the group home with a plan. She had to see if she could understand how those kids ended up in Jane and Aro's care. She herself was obviously related to the Volturi family but how could anyone have placed the twins with such awful people?

The lady who answered the door smiled politely at her when she told her she was interested in adopting. Alice lied and said she was married and that they were eager to have children but that it wouldn't happen for them. She said that she was worried that the background checks would take forever before they could adopt. The owner of the home soon clarified that money talked more than background checks around there. Beating around the bush she basically suggested that Alice pay a good sum of money to the home in exchange of expedited and approved background checks and interviews. Alice gathered that meant that she could basically buy a child if she wished.

Walking out she took a deep breath. The whole idea disgusted her. Obviously Jane and Aro had purchased themselves two small children with the intent of torturing them. It was enough to make her stomach turn and she leaned against her truck dry heaving.

When she had pulled herself together she realized that she needed to get a hotel room. Her first instinct was to find a hotel near WSU so that was where she headed. The only vacancy was at a motel with an external entrances to the rooms, which Charlie had always cautioned against. It was clean though, and had both a chain lock and a dead bolt. She unpacked her stuff and then went for a walk around the campus since she was right across the street. Now that she knew her parents had been killed in a car accident, and she had been tortured and murdered, she really wanted to know how she had ended up on campus after the fire. In her dreams she was had seen several evidences that she had been hiding there in that auditorium.

As she wandered across the quad she sipped a coffee and looked around. There wasn't much that looked familiar about the campus but there was something that felt it. It permeated her senses. A part of her wondered if it was because of the night air but she could almost feel herself running across campus in a panic. The sensation didn't scare her but it did leave her wondering.

She walked toward the auditorium that she had been in the day she took the tour. It was that room that had triggered so many questions in her mind and had made her so sure that what she had seen in her dream was real. She tried the doors of the building and found them unlocked. As she walked down the dimly lit hallways she heard people talking in various rooms and then music. The auditorium doors were open so she went in quietly and walked to the stage. The big room wasn't completely dark as there was a row of lights on either far end that was turned on. Standing on the stage she looked around. She imagined herself crouched down in the corner, cowering in fear. It wasn't hard to picture. The dream had been so real.

On that side of the stage there were curtains to hide behind, as well as other things in the shadows. She couldn't bring herself to go sit in the darkness there. It just was too much. Instead she stood in the lit area and closed her eyes, breathing in the musty smells and trying so hard to remember.

Suddenly she had a funny feeling that she wasn't alone and her eyes burst open. There wasn't anyone in sight but she had seen enough for one night. There was no need for her to push herself beyond comfort and she trusted her gut feelings. She left via the nearest door and headed back to her hotel.

Hoping some hot water therapy would help her clear her head she took a long shower, letting the water wash over her and running her fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp. She felt strangely at peace with being alone. Her hurts were very real, but at least she knew now that there were legitimate reasons for her eccentricities. She was damaged.

Her fingers ran over her scars on her back, the ones that she had never known the cause of. She touched herself, everywhere, and wondered how her body could feel so normal now, after what it had been through. She bent her arm back and forth, trying to see if there was physical evidence of being broken. One did have less range of motion than the other and never completely straightened out. Now she knew why. She found comfort in knowing about her pains.

What she didn't take comfort in was the knowledge that Jasper had deceived her. That was too much. Her blog had told such horrible truths. He had known. He had tried to help her, and then he gave up? When he found her again he simply lied about knowing her? None of it made sense. There must have been more to it, something she was missing. She was going to have to wait until her anger subsided so that she could understand his part more. It was just something she needed. She needed to know the details of his involvement but her anger was too fresh.

_Jasper. Jasper who made the world stop turning. Jasper who could touch her and either stop her heart or start it again depending on the circumstances. He had been everything to her. It's no wonder he had felt so familiar. She had known him, of course she would have felt a connection to him. She had thought that she loved him. Now she realized that she could have just unconsciously connected with him from her former life. It could have just been fake, every little flutter, every little staggered breath that she took when she looked into those pained eyes of his..._

Those were the thoughts that she fell asleep with.

She woke in the morning and she was surprised by how well she had slept. She decided that she wanted to visit her parents' grave. She packed up her bag and checked out at the front office. Jumping in her truck she had to put her sunglasses on to keep her from being blinded by the morning sun, a rarity in Washington.

As she was buckling her seatbelt she jumped when she heard the passenger door open. An older man calmly got in and shut the door saying "Hello Alice. I'd suggest you drive now. I'll tell you where we're going once we're on the road." Alice was nearly paralyzed with fear but something about the voice made her do exactly what he said.

**A/N I promise not to wait so long before updating again!**


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